05 — Can't Be Bothered

LYRICS [Intro — washed guitar, distant room tone, no drums] Yeah Used to wonder where you were Who you were with Whether you missed me Now? [Pause] I can't even be bothered [Hook — immediate melodic entry] Can't be bothered checking, checking Can't be bothered guessing, guessing Can't be bothered asking questions I already know how this goes Can't be bothered hoping, hoping Just to end up broken, broken I still care more than I'm showing I just don't have it in me anymore Can't be bothered Can't be bothered You broke my heart enough Now I can't be bothered [Verse 1 — close-mic melodic rap] Used to wake up reaching for the phone Before my feet even touched the floor Your name could change my whole damn mood Now I don't wanna know anymore Not 'cause I hate you That's the worst part If I hated you This probably wouldn't be this hard I still remember your laugh Still know the look in your eyes Still got things I never deleted Still got nights I don't talk about But I'm tired Tired of reading between lines Tired of turning your silence Into another reason I wasn't enough in your mind Tired of wondering Did you mean it? Was I stupid? Was it real? How many different ways Can a person explain the same hurt they feel? I tried That's what gets me I really fucking tried Kept giving CPR to something That already died [Pre-Chorus — drums tighten] So if you're happy Good If you're lonely I don't know If somebody else is holding you I don't wanna know Not because it wouldn't hurt Because I know it would And I've hurt enough [Hook — full drums] Can't be bothered checking, checking Can't be bothered guessing, guessing Can't be bothered asking questions I already know how this goes Can't be bothered hoping, hoping Just to end up broken, broken I still care more than I'm showing I just don't have it in me anymore Can't be bothered Can't be bothered You broke my heart enough Now I can't be bothered [Post-Hook — drums strip back] Not worth another sleepless night Not worth another almost-right Not worth another “maybe this time” Not anymore [Verse 2 — tighter rhythmic flow] Maybe one day I'll wanna meet somebody Maybe one day I'll let somebody get close Right now the thought of starting again Feels heavier than being alone 'Cause what do I do? Learn another favourite colour? Another coffee order? Another way somebody goes quiet Right before they tell you it's over? Meet another family? Make another plan? Say “forever” again Like I don't know forever depends on who says it? Nah Can't be bothered And that's sad 'Cause I used to love love Used to think finding somebody Was one of the best things life could give us Now somebody says, “Give it time” I just shrug Somebody says, “You'll meet someone” I think Maybe But right now? I don't want someone I want peace I want sleep I want one whole week Where nothing reminds me of what you did to me I want my chest To stop expecting bad news Every time somebody says “Can we talk?” [Pre-Chorus — exposed vocal] You didn't teach me not to love You taught me what loving wrong can cost And right now I can't afford another loss [Hook — wider harmonies] Can't be bothered checking, checking Can't be bothered guessing, guessing Can't be bothered asking questions I already know how this goes Can't be bothered hoping, hoping Just to end up broken, broken I still care more than I'm showing I just don't have it in me anymore Can't be bothered Can't be bothered You broke my heart enough Now I can't be bothered [Bridge — drums disappear, bare piano] And maybe that sounds cold It's not Cold would be easier Cold means nothing reaches you This still does That's why I stay away from it I know one picture Could ruin my night One message Could undo a month One “I miss you” Could make me forget Every reason I finally gave up So yeah Sometimes I still wonder Sometimes I still miss you Sometimes I still wish You were who I thought you were But I'm done chasing answers From the same place That gave me the questions [Build — heartbeat kick, low guitar swell] Maybe healing isn't “I don't love you” Maybe it's “I love you And I'm still not going back” [Final Hook — biggest emotional payoff] Can't be bothered checking, checking Can't be bothered wrecking, wrecking Everything I'm finally rebuilding Just to know what I already know Can't be bothered hoping, hoping Love shouldn't leave you this broken And maybe one day I'll be open But I don't have it in me anymore Can't be bothered Can't be bothered I gave this everything I had Now I can't be bothered Can't be bothered Can't be bothered And if that sounds like I don't care You didn't see how much I cared Before I couldn't anymore [Outro — guitar and vocal only] You didn't make me stop loving you [Pause] You just made loving you Not worth what it did to me [Long pause] So whatever you're doing Whoever you're with However it ends I hope you're alright I just... Can't be bothered finding out