Dexterity

March on up, go ahead! Flip the table! Change Hearts. Lord, you bring the truth, with love and power….. With Dexterity. Your hands place everything precisely where it needs to be. Your love shines through all hate and darkness. Your patience as we continue to fall, knowing those who will Follow no matter the challenges, tests, and trials. I sit here with a heart that never healed. A mind that lost it’s way. Lost the innocence too young, lost the child-like wonder. So far gone. I don’t know what joy is. Cannot fathom happiness. For years I would ask people-Do you want temporary or true happiness? I asked with understanding. I knew! Where did that go? So, looking to God-I saw wonder and hope. Sometimes, I catch a glimpse of it. I feel like a small child. Then, the moment passes and the reality in front of me overcomes My entire being. The questions to God never answered. So I remain stagnant. Unable to move, slowly growing. Not sure what to do. What direction to walk. I just know the path I’m on is long and dark. I get up each day, put on my shoes, and take a step forward. There’s a physical ache that never dissipates now. My heart races all the time. My breathing never slows, mind racing. No solace in the panic. Give me the hope back. The ability to free fall in the beauty and love all around. I see it! I have touched it! I cannot feel it. I cannot understand what I cannot feel. Plagues were huge. God brought them world-wide. They were obvious. Any who understood our Lord, knew why they happened. This internal battle feels like a plague. Keeps raging inside with no windows or doors. The light so low, I can’t walk through. So, You flip tables! I’ll take another step. Each step, my heart aches more. It’s so intense! The flight in my mind all day, every day. Running, retreating. Terrified of the unknown. Yet, I stay. Waking up each day hoping for a better outcome. Doom whispers it’s ugly self inside. Dread turned to fear Fear became anger-a thing I rarely knew Now daily Anger in the speculation Speculation to block Block and return to numb. This time is different. The ache won’t quit Like layers and layers peeling slowly off But, nothing gets better I remain bitter and lost Wasn’t there supposed to be a break through? Some enlightenment? Where’s the bright lights? Those bulbs that lit when I finally came fully to you Lord Jesus? Can I please have peace? A settling of the unrest? Give me truth! Use your word. You used to talk to me. Are my ears closed? Is my heart blocking your message? I cannot see you! I always feel your presence! What happened? Did I really fail and fall so far? I’m screaming to you! FLIP THAT TABLE!..... For me. Give me eyes to see and ears only for you! Am I going to get past alone in the world? Alone for so long. I’m right here Lord Jesus!!! Waiting for your healing, unconditional love, and joy To work on me Take away the ache, the pain Work on me Lord With Dexterity Your dexterity