[Verse 1] Lights off Phone gone Blanket fortress Boxers on the floor I’m strong But that one night I stayed dressed Thought “Extra armor On this quest” Then the closet cracked Slow creak Cold air on my bare feet He stepped out with a hiss and a grin Tiny cape Terrible skin [Chorus] If I wear underpants to bed The evil wizard sends his friend Little goblin with a measuring tape Trying to steal my stats away So I sleep in the nude instead Keep that helper out my head Underpants give XP That’s true But I’d rather keep my HP too [Verse 2] He had a chart Gold crown Kept scribbling Muttering about “cooldown” Tried to latch on To my waist I rolled left Heart in my face He yelled “You gain ten XP!” Swung his clipboard straight at me “Side effects” in tiny print Yeah I read that fine-print hint [Chorus] If I wear underpants to bed The evil wizard sends his friend Little goblin with a measuring tape Trying to steal my stats away So I sleep in the nude instead Keep that helper out my head Underpants give XP That’s true But I’d rather keep my HP too [Bridge] No briefs No fights (hey!) No goblin Tonight He can’t spawn If I don’t gear up So I level By just resting up (ooh) [Chorus] If I wear underpants to bed The evil wizard sends his friend Little goblin with a measuring tape Trying to steal my stats away So I sleep in the nude instead Keep that helper out my head Yeah The gain is just XP It’s true But I’d rather sleep safe Than duel that dude
