**Verse 1** You absolute muppet, you daft little sod, You tripped on the pavement and blamed it on God. You plonker, you pillock, you right silly git, You opened the biscuit tin — nothing in it. **Pre-Chorus** You wazzock, you numpty, you absolute melt, How’ve you survived with the hand you’ve been dealt? You prat in a jumper, you knob in a hat, You started an argument — lost to the cat. **Chorus** Oi! You absolute muppet! You glorious fool! A proper bellend Who thinks they’re so cool. You tosser, you twit, You magnificent tit, Britain salutes you — Now pack it in a bit! **Verse 2** You cheeky old sod with your bargain-bin swagger, Walking round town like some discount Mick Jagger. You wet little wipe, you spectacular berk, You made a cup of tea and forgot how spoons work. **Pre-Chorus** You cockwomble champion, king of the prats, You scared yourself silly by shouting at bats. A weapon, a plonker, a world-class buffoon, You tried to catch sunlight using a spoon. **Chorus** Oi! You absolute muppet! You glorious fool! A proper bellend Who thinks they’re so cool. You tosser, you twit, You magnificent tit, Britain salutes you — Now pack it in a bit! **Bridge** God save the King, God save the tea, And somebody please Save this numpty from me! With a “bloody hell!” And a “what a prat!” You’ve reached peak Britain — Congratulations on that. **Final Chorus** Oi! You absolute muppet! You lovable git! An utter disaster But proud of it. You plonker, you berk, You absolute twit, You’re Britain’s finest idiot — And that’s bloody well it!
