Don’t open the door. Don’t answer the phone. Don’t let anybody know you’re home. They’re watching. They’re waiting. They’re … Shut the fucking curtains. I haven’t seen the sunlight in a minute, Every morning feels like another prison sentence. Four walls closing in, but I call it my protection, Funny how a safe place starts resembling a detention. I hear footsteps and my heartbeat doubles, Every stranger looks like they’re bringing me trouble. I know it’s irrational I know I’m losing it But tell my fucking brain that When it’s already convinced I’m dying again. Hand on the lock, Eyes on the window, Checking every shadow like it’s somebody I know. I leave the house dressed like I’m ready for war, But the enemy ain’t outside It’s the voice behind the door. I carry something hidden ‘Cause I hate feeling helpless. But what scares me more Is knowing I’m scared of everything else. I’m afraid of outside, I’m afraid of the sky, Afraid somebody’s waiting Every time I step outside. So I hide behind a weapon Like it can quiet my mind, But I’m still fucking terrified Every single night. I’m afraid of people, I’m afraid of their eyes, Afraid they’ll see the broken I’ve been trying to disguise. I could carry all the armor That the world says I need But what the fuck protects me From what’s living inside me? Panic crawling up my throat like a parasite, Every crowded room turns into a fucking firefight. Sweat on my palms, tunnel vision kicking in, I’m surrounded by a hundred people And still feel alone as shit. I don’t trust the world. I don’t trust myself. I don’t trust anybody When I’m losing my mental health. So I keep my fear concealed Right beneath my clothes, Thinking maybe I’ll feel safer If I’m ready for the unknown. But the irony’s fucking sick I’m armed but terrified. Got protection at my side While I’m begging not to die. Not because I want a fight, Not because I want blood, I just got so fucking scared That I forgot what safety was. DON’T TOUCH THE DOOR. DON’T GO OUTSIDE. DON’T LET THEM SEE YOU. DON’T LET THEM INSIDE. Breathe Breathe BREATHE. Why can’t I fucking breathe?! I’m afraid of outside, I’m afraid of the sky, Afraid somebody’s waiting Every time I step outside. So I hide behind a weapon Like it can quiet my mind, But I’m still fucking terrified Every single night. I’m afraid of people, I’m afraid of their eyes, Afraid they’ll see the broken I’ve been trying to disguise. I could carry all the armor That the world says I need But what the fuck protects me From what’s living inside me? Maybe I’m not scared of the world… Maybe I’m scared That the world will prove Everything my depression tells me. That I’m weak. That I’m broken. That I’m worthless. That I don’t belong. So I stay behind the curtains Where nobody can see me. Nobody can judge me. Nobody can leave me. Nobody can hurt me. But nobody can save me either. Another sunrise bleeding through the blinds, Another day I’m losing to the war inside my mind. I put my shoes on Then I sit back down. Five steps from freedom Feels like a thousand miles now. Maybe someday I’ll walk through that door Without feeling like I’m walking into a war. Maybe someday I won’t need all this armor, Won’t need something hidden just to make myself feel harder. But tonight… I’m still here. Still breathing. Still afraid. And somehow that’s enough To make it through another day. The door is still closed. But my hand is on the handle. Maybe tomorrow… I’ll turn it.
