(Intro - Feedback screeches. A snare drum rolls rapidly. A gruff voice counts off.) (D) (A) (G) (A) (Yelled): ONE! TWO! ONE, TWO, THREE, GO! (Band explodes into a fast, driving punk beat) (Verse 1) (D) Mom is screaming at the oven, the turkey’s dry as bone (A) Dad is in the basement, drinking eggnog on the phone (G) The cat knocked down the tree, there’s glass upon the floor (A) And Uncle Jimmy’s passed out blocking up the front door! (D) The radio is playing that same Mariah song (A) I’ve been holding onto sanity for way too freaking long (G) I ripped the wrapping paper off a pair of wooly socks (A) Now I’m cranking up the amp and shaking all the blocks! (Pre-Chorus - The guitar chugs on a palm-muted rhythm. The vocals build in intensity.) (G) They want a picture perfect card to send in the mail (A) But this family is a ship that is destined to fail! (G) So grab a guitar and smash the gingerbread house (A) WE’RE WAKING UP THE NEIGHBORS AND THE MOUSE! (Chorus - Maximum volume. Fast, catchy, and shouted.) (D) (G) (SHOUTED): RED AND GREEN RIOT! The tree is on FIRE! (A) (G) SILENT NIGHT IS DEAD! We’re taking it HIGHER! (D) (G) SANTA’S IN THE MOSH PIT! Spilling his BEER! (A) (G) (D) MERRY FREAKING CHRISTMAS! AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR! (Verse 2) (D) The lights are all tangled, a fire hazard trap (A) I’m sitting in the corner in a Santa funky cap (G) The carolers are running, they’re fleeing from the noise (A) 'Cause we don't want the candy, we just want the noise! (D) Forget the peace on earth, forget the silent snow (A) We got three chords and a chaotic place to go (G) The mistletoe is burning, the holly is a mess (A) This disaster is the only thing that I confess! (Pre-Chorus - Building back to the explosion.) (G) They want a picture perfect card to send in the mail (A) But this family is a ship that is destined to fail! (G) So grab a guitar and smash the gingerbread house (A) WE’RE WAKING UP THE NEIGHBORS AND THE MOUSE! (Chorus - Full speed, intense energy.) (D) (G) (SHOUTED): RED AND GREEN RIOT! The tree is on FIRE! (A) (G) SILENT NIGHT IS DEAD! We’re taking it HIGHER! (D) (G) SANTA’S IN THE MOSH PIT! Spilling his BEER! (A) (G) (D) MERRY FREAKING CHRISTMAS! AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR! (Bridge - The music stops abruptly. A solo bass line plays a fast, distorted version of "Jingle Bells." The drums build back up with a massive roll.) (G) Jingle bells... (A) Batman smells... (G) Robin laid an egg... (A) (SCREAMED): THE BATMOBILE LOST A WHEEL AND WE’RE STILL HERE! (Outro - The band plays the chorus riff at double speed. Pure chaos.) (D) (G) (A) (YELLED REPEATEDLY): RED AND GREEN! RED AND GREEN! (D) (G) (A) RIOT! RIOT! RIOT! (D) (Final feedback screech and a loud "Ho, Ho, Ho!" followed by a crash.)
