(Verse 1) The crowd is screamin', the lights are low and cold, But somethin' strange is happenin', a story to be told. Across the blue line, standin' in a row, The Calgary Cannellini, ready for the show! They lace up their skates, not with fingers, but with tendrils, The only legume legion in the whole darn NHL. Every other team, they're beef and bone and sweat, But these boys are just beans, the toughest crew you've met! (Chorus) They're the Bean Brigade, the Hard-Hitting Horde, Every check they lay, feels like a slap with a board! They don't bleed red, they ooze a little green, The most violent, volatile, rink-smashin' team! "Why are they so angry?" the commentators all croak, 'Cause they're protein-packed pistons, ain't no simple folk! A bean on the boards! Watch out, it's a crime! It's Bean Time, baby, every single time! (Verse 2) Number forty-four, Captain Kidney, lean and mean, He's got a five-hole wrister, the wickedest you've seen. But forget the goals, it's the contact that they crave, They see a human player, and they send him to the grave! They're small and stout, but they hit with all their might, Like a pebble from a slingshot, flyin' through the night. The league tried to ban 'em, for excessive force and clout, But their lawyer said, "They're just legumes, what's the fuss about?" (Guitar Solo - Fast, shredding) (Verse 3) The opposing coach is yellin', "Get off the glass, you goon!" But how do you penalize a player shaped like a moon? They slide on the ice, they're frictionless and quick, If they cross-check your backbone, it'll make you sick! The humans are confused, they whisper on the bench, "How'd that tiny navy bean just put me in a trench?" It's the concentrated density, the fury in the shell, They’re tired of the garden, they prefer the gates of hell! (Chorus) They're the Bean Brigade, the Hard-Hitting Horde, Every check they lay, feels like a slap with a board! They don't bleed red, they ooze a little green, The most violent, volatile, rink-smashin' team! "Why are they so angry?" the commentators all croak, 'Cause they're protein-packed pistons, ain't no simple folk! A bean on the boards! Watch out, it's a crime! It's Bean Time, baby, every single time! (Outro) They win the Cup, but no one wants to cheer, Just a nervous silence, drippin' with pure fear. They raise the trophy, and they all let out a screech, A terrifying, tiny, vegetable-based speech! (Sound of an air horn followed by a bizarre, high-pitched, echoing cheer) Calgary Cannellini! Don't you try to fight 'em! They'll bean you up! They'll bean you up! Yeah! (Heavy, final drum crash and cymbal choke)
