[Intro] (Sloppy loud human beatbox) (Scratch) (Classic 80s boom-bap drum beat drops heavy) (Laughter in the background) Yo, check the crown, but look at his face! This man is bringing royal royalty to total disgrace! [Verse 1] I walked into the swamp, looking for a little peace, Instead, I see my man here getting intimate with beasts. He’s down on one knee, looking deep in its eyes, Hoping for a princess or some magical surprise. You out here romancing a whole amphibian, Thinking you’re slick like you’re one in a million. But your lips are all green, and your dignity is gone, You’re kissing Lilypad Larry out on the front lawn! He closed his eyes tight, gave it a big old smack, The frog just went "RIBBY" and it leaped right back! No magic, no glitter, no beautiful queen, Just a slimy little creature and a dude looking mean. [Chorus] (Off-key singing, raw and loud) Oh baby, yooooou... You got what I neeeed... But you kissing a frog, oh yes indeed! Yeah, you kissing a toad... In the middle of the rooooad! Man, what is wrong with yooooou?! [Verse 2] He’s standing by the puddle with a breath mint in his hand, The most desperate romantic in the whole entire land. He brought a box of chocolates and a single red rose, But the frog just took a leap and landed right on his nose! He went MMMM-AHHHH with a passionate squeeze, While the mosquitoes were biting him right on his knees! The frog looked disgusted, it began to dry heave, It wiped its little mouth like, "Player, please let me leave!" Now you got warts on your tongue and mud on your vest, Go wash your mouth out, bro, you need some rest! [Bridge 1] (Beat switches to a goofy, stripped-down bassline) (Shouted countdown) One! Two! Three! Let me break down the science! You can't force a frog into marital compliance! They lay eggs in the water, they don't wear high heels, I don't think you understand how a reptile feels! Wait—amphibian! Whatever, you're a fool, You missed that whole week back in middle school! You're looking for a lover with a shiny golden ring, But she’s looking for a cricket or a juicy beetle wing! Gross! [Chorus] (Off-key singing, maximum screech) Oh baby, yooooou... You got what I neeeed... But you tasting like pond weed, oh yes indeed! Yeah, you kissing a toad... In the middle of the rooooad! [Bridge 2] (Melodramatic, slow keyboard chords) Picture this: next week, you take her out to dine, Candlelight, romance, and a bottle of white wine. The waiter comes over, asks, "What can I provide?" You order the spaghetti, she orders flies on the side! She’s sitting in a booster seat, soaking in a bowl, Stretching out her tongue, stealing breadcrumbs from a roll! The maître d' is screaming, "Get this animal away!" And you’re standing there defending your amphibian fiancée! [Verse 3] (Main heavy boom-bap beat slams back in) It croaked out a signal, called backup from the trees, Now a hundred angry bullfrogs are swarming his capris. They’re jumping down his shirt, they’re crawling in his socks, He’s doing a dynamic dance all over the rocks! Your breath smells like algae, your hair is full of muck, Next time buy a lottery ticket, bro, and try your luck! [Outro] (Beat starts to fade out) (Sloppy beatboxing) Yeah... haha... don't do it, man. Step away from the swamp. She ain't Cinderella, bro. She catches flies. Biz Markie out! (di-di-di-cluck-shhh) (Fade to end)
