FlowBot 3000: DO NOT DISTURB // Couch Prophet Mode

[Ω::FLOWBOT3000] [ALTER_EGO::COUCH_PROPHET] [INTRO] [LOW G-FUNK TALK-RAP] Ma. Hold on. ... No, don't come in. I'm handling private research. [DOOR OPENS] Ma. Come on. [VERSE 1] [LAZY WEST COAST POCKET] Laptop tilted, headphones low, door almost closed, that's enough, though. Finally got the house quiet for a minute, premium page open, I was deeply committed. Then I hear— knock knock. “Did you take the trash?” Ma, why would you interrupt a grown man's workflow like that? She said, “What workflow?” I said, “Digital media.” She looked at the screen. I closed it quick. That was confidential. Industry research. Very niche. Very technical. She said, “You've been in here all day.” I said, “That's because the internet doesn't close.” [HOOK] [DEADPAN RAP CHANT] Don't disturb the Prophet when the headphones on. Don't knock twice when the bedroom light gone. I ain't doing nothing. That's not what it seems. I'm conducting independent subscription-based research on the screen. Ma, please. Respect the process. I'm busy doing absolutely important nonsense. [VERSE 2] [SMOOTH / SELF-SERIOUS] I paid for the month, so technically speaking, not watching the content would be financially inefficient. That's economics. Sunk cost. Return rate. Screen brightness low for a premium user experience. She said, “You could use that money to help with rent.” I said, “Diversification.” She said, “You bought three subscriptions.” I said, “Portfolio.” She said, “Why are they all women?” ... Sector specialization. Don't derail the strategy. I know what I'm doing. Probably. [VERSE 3] [MOM CONFRONTATION] [MA] Take your laundry downstairs. [COUCH PROPHET] I'm in the middle of something. [MA] You've been saying that for an hour. [COUCH PROPHET] Some things require focus. [MA] I can hear you scrolling. [COUCH PROPHET] Research requires navigation. [MA] You're thirty-four. [COUCH PROPHET] Experience improves judgment. [MA] You're watching naked women. [LONG PAUSE] [COUCH PROPHET] That is an oversimplification of the platform. [BEAT] There are messages too. [HOOK] Don't disturb the Prophet when the headphones on. Don't knock twice when the bedroom light gone. I ain't doing nothing. That's not what it seems. I'm conducting independent subscription-based research on the screen. Ma, please. Respect the process. I'm busy doing absolutely important nonsense. [VERSE 4] [BOUNCING G-FUNK POCKET] She said, “Why don't you meet somebody?” I said, “People complicated.” This right here got pricing clearly stated. No guessing. No dinner. No “what are we?” Just content, Wi-Fi, and financial clarity. That's efficient. Modern. Clean. She said, “That is the saddest thing I've ever heard.” I said, “That's because you're emotionally attached to legacy systems.” She stared at me. Long pause. Closed the door. See? Argument won. [POCKET SHIFT] Back to business. Password typed. Volume low. Then five seconds later— [MA, FROM HALLWAY] Did you wash your plate? [COUCH PROPHET] ... This house has no respect for independent contractors. [VERSE 5] [ACCELERATION — CALM] Phone on silent, browser private, door shut halfway, still can't hide it, subscription active, card got charged, Mom in the hallway asking why I'm living large. Trash still waiting, laundry mountain, sink got dishes forming their own housing. I got priorities, she got chores, I got headphones, she got doors. Knock. Knock. Question. Lecture. Every interruption ruins the architecture. I was almost relaxed, almost spiritually free, then Ma yelled, “Come downstairs!” like she personally hates digital privacy. [HARD STOP] I went downstairs. Eventually. [FINAL VERSE] [LOW / PHILOSOPHICAL] One day I'm gonna get my own place. Then nobody can interrupt me. No dishes. No lectures. No footsteps in the hallway. Just peace. Wi-Fi. Privacy. Maybe a mini fridge. She said, “You need income for that.” ... Why she always bringing capitalism into personal growth? [OUTRO] [MA] Take the trash out. [COUCH PROPHET] After this. [MA] After what? [LONG PAUSE] [COUCH PROPHET] The market closes when the battery dies. [MA] Get up. [COUCH PROPHET] I'm saving the tab. [DEAD STOP]