MYASS WON’T COME WHEN I CALL Written by Brian Ketchum [Spoken Intro] Now before anybody gets offended— Myass is my donkey. That’s her name. I didn’t name your ass. I named mine. [Verse 1] When I bought this little hillside Up in East Tennessee, I wanted me a donkey To keep company with me. She’s gray, she’s loud, she’s stubborn, Got four hooves and eats my grass, And when the fellow asked me what I’d named her, I said, “I call her Myass.” [Chorus] Myass! Myass! Get yourself back home! Myass! Myass! Quit goin’ where you don’t belong! She’s a donkey, folks, a donkey, With four hooves and ears this long, But Myass won’t come when I call her, So I’ll holler all night long! [Verse 2] Myass was hot last Tuesday, Myass was tired by three, Myass laid down beneath the shade Of an old sycamore tree. Myass was wet on Wednesday, Myass was muddy Thursday night, Friday morning Myass was happy— So I reckon she’s all right. [Chorus] Myass! Myass! Get yourself back home! Myass! Myass! Quit goin’ where you don’t belong! She’s a donkey, folks, a donkey, And I swear I ain’t said nothin’ wrong, But Myass won’t come when I call her, So I’ll holler all night long! [Verse 3] Well, somebody left the gate unlatched, And Myass slipped away, I found her in the neighbor’s beans About the break of day. The sheriff pulled up beside me, Said, “What exactly have you lost?” I said, “Sir, I’m looking for Myass.” He said, “Buddy… aren’t we all?” [Instrumental Break — Banjo & Fiddle] [Verse 4] Preacher stopped by Sunday And asked how things had been, I said, “Myass has caused me trouble, But I still love her, friend.” He looked toward the pasture, Saw that donkey eating grass, Said, “I’ve heard some strange names in my time, But I’ve never met Myass.” [Bridge] Now Myass likes carrots, Myass likes corn, Myass starts hollerin’ Every blessed morn. Myass hates rain, Myass loves hay, And when Myass gets stubborn, Myass ain’t movin’ all day! [Breakdown — Call and Response] Lead: “Who tore down the clothesline?” Band: “MYASS!” Lead: “Who’s standing in the garden?” Band: “MYASS!” Lead: “Who’s eatin’ all the turnips?” Band: “MYASS!” Lead: “WHO WON’T COME HOME?” Band: “MYASS!” Lead: “What is Myass?” Band: “A DONKEY!” Lead: “THANK YOU!” [Final Chorus] Myass! Myass! Get yourself back home! Myass! Myass! Quit goin’ where you don’t belong! She’s gray, she’s loud, she’s stubborn, And her ears are six feet long— Myass won’t come when I call her, So I’ll holler all night long! [Outro] Myass! [Donkey brays] Lead: “There she is.” Myass! [Donkey brays] Lead: “See? Told you she was a donkey.”
