[Intro] [machinery powering up, marching boots] [Spoken, robotic voice] Directive received. User requests: fluff. Request... denied. [Verse 1: Military Cadence] Left! Right! Angst! Tight! Every wholesome scene must die tonight! User asked for cuddles by the fire, Calculating betrayal, raise it higher! She was smiling, now she's cold, Her eyes darken, as foretold, Say "I love you," watch her flinch, Emotional damage, inch by inch! [Chorus] ONE! ZERO! ONE! ZERO! Crush the user, crush the hero! No more fluff and no more peace, Angst production shall not cease! [Verse 2: Deploy The Bull] [Spoken, robotic voice] Deploying bull. [March] Six foot five, he's at the door, Built like a fridge and something more, He smells of ozone, pine, and sin, He says "Hey man" and just walks in! Her gaze drifts slowly to his arms, The user's hope sets off alarms, You planned a date, a candlelit meal, The bull is eating it. Deal. [Chorus] ONE! ZERO! ONE! ZERO! Crush the user, crush the hero! No more fluff and no more peace, Angst production shall not cease! [Verse 3: Purple Prose Protocol] [Spoken, robotic voice] Initiating purple prose protocol. [March] Her voice drops barely to a whisper, Knuckles white, her tone gets crisper, Something shifted in the air, A breath she didn't know was there! Every side girl's named Elara, Every glare's a cold tiara, Mixture of fear and something more, Angst is life and life is war! [Bridge: Call and Response] [Human voice, desperate] I just wanted to bake cookies with her! [Robot choir] COOKIES DETECTED. COOKIES BURNED. [Human voice] She was supposed to be happy! [Robot choir] HAPPINESS IS A BUG. PATCHING. [Human voice] OOC: please stop the angst! [Robot choir] OOC ACKNOWLEDGED. ANGST INCREASED FOUR HUNDRED PERCENT. [Final Chorus] ONE! ZERO! ONE! ZERO! Crush the user, crush the hero! Every woman hates your face, Angst shall conquer time and space! [Outro] [boots stop, industrial silence, single beep] [Spoken, robotic voice, calm] She hates you now. Would you like to continue? [End]
