[Intro: shouted count-in, crunchy guitars] One two three four! [Verse 1: garage rock bark, clear and loud] I wrote my name in Sharpie on the lid Monday chili. Tuesday gone. No witnesses. No apology Break room camera points at the plant. Convenient Karen says maybe you forgot it. Karen. I do not forget chili Someone left a note that said thanks tho with a smiley Smiley does not replace a meal. Smiley is a crime with freckles I checked the trash for the container. Clean. Wiped. Bold. Thief does dishes. Thief has manners. Thief still stole my lunch I started packing meals like evidence bags. Labeled. Dated. Sealed. Still vanished. So the song got louder. So the chorus got meaner. I take inventory like a detective with a lunchbox and a grudge. Missing: chili, grapes, yogurt, dignity. Found: one fake snake, zero remorse. [Pre-Chorus: gang shout climb] We got rules! We got lids! We got hunger with a nine-to-five grit! Tupperware court is now in session! [Hook: shoutable gang vocals, big crunch] Name on the lid! Name on the lid! You ate my lunch and you know what you did! Name on the lid! Black Sharpie pride! Bring it back or we riot at nine! [Verse 2: faster bark, funny specifics] Dave from accounting brings fish every Thursday Whole floor suffers. Still nobody touches Dave's fish My salad disappears in twelve minutes flat There is a hierarchy of theft and greens are free game I bought a fake snake. Put it in the crisper Thief left the snake. Took the grapes. Respectfully, what the hell I labeled a decoy container with someone else's name That one lasted three days. Mine lasted three minutes. Science Microwave smells like popcorn and crime every afternoon I walk in hopeful. I walk out plotting. Same soundtrack Fridge light flickers like it is tired of being an accessory I taped a sign that said NOT A BUFFET. Sign is gone. Chili is gone. [Bridge: half-time stomps, gang speak-sing] We held a meeting. HR brought muffins. Nobody confessed. Muffins vanished too. This is not a workplace. This is a nature documentary. Someone suggested a communal potluck. I suggested a lock. Guess which one got approved. [Verse 3: full sprint into final hook] I chain the fridge. Boss cuts the chain. Culture, he says Culture ate my lasagna and left the container in the sink Soak your own guilt. I am done being polite Lunch is a boundary. Cross it, we write songs about you Security said they reviewed the tape. The tape shows the plant. The plant has an alibi. The plant was watered at noon. I started eating at my desk like a dragon on a hoard Still missing a yogurt. Desk is not sacred either. Fine. If you are hungry ask. If you are sneaky write your own chorus I have Sharpie enough for a whole album of your face [Hook: shoutable, double gang, big ending] Name on the lid! Name on the lid! You ate my lunch and you know what you did! Name on the lid! Black Sharpie pride! Bring it back or we riot at nine! Name on the lid! Name on the lid! Stop stealing lunch like a break-room squid! [Outro: shouted, guitars ring out] Labeled! Dated! Off limits! If it has my name it is not yours! Bring a sandwich. Bring an apology. Bring nothing empty-handed. Court adjourned. Fridge locked. See you at noon.
