///*****/// [Intro | distant synth pad | chiming guitar harmonics | low mechanical room hum | close-mic female vocal] I can still feel it And I don't know what that means [Verse 1 | restrained | melodic guitar | almost no drums] Eighteen years and three weeks here Still getting lost between the dorms Everybody acts like they know where they're going I keep pretending I was born informed You walked me back with the others laughing Then somehow we were two instead of six Down where the pipes run under the campus Where nobody comes unless they're hiding something You said my name I looked at you And neither one of us moved away [Pre-Chorus | bass enters | soft tom pulse | tension rising] Now my hands are cold My face is burning I know exactly what happened I don't know what I'm learning [Chorus | melodic lift | wide guitars | restrained drums | emotional but not belted] How can I be too cold and too hot? How do I know if I should stop or not? How can I feel so brave And be this scared? What if what I want Is everything I fear? If I reach for you Do I lose all of them? If I let this go Do I lose you instead? I know how the kiss felt I just don't know What comes next [Verse 2 | fuller bass | light snare | conversational delivery] We have our table in the dining hall Our Friday movies, our stupid games Everybody knows who sits beside who Everybody knows everybody's names If we try this and it goes wrong Does the whole thing split down the middle? Do I lose your hand and half my friends Because one night I wanted more than a little? And who am I supposed to ask? They're the people I can't tell So I lie awake rehearsing answers To questions I can't ask myself [Pre-Chorus | synth pad opens | vocal more exposed] I could call home But home sounds different There's one voice missing now And I still reach for it [Chorus | wider | harmony enters softly] How can I be too cold and too hot? How do I know if I should stop or not? How can I feel so brave And be this scared? What if what I want Is everything I fear? If I reach for you Do I lose all of them? If I let this go Do I lose you instead? I know how the kiss felt I just don't know What comes next [Verse 3 | drums pull back | piano and guitar | vulnerable delivery] Mom would've known what question to ask She would've heard the part I wouldn't say She'd know if this was love or loneliness Or grief wearing somebody else's face But it's been four months And sometimes I still Think I can call her on the phone So I sit on my bed With six people upstairs And somehow I have never felt so alone [Bridge | suspended chords | minimal drums | rising intensity] Under the campus Under the lights Steam on the ceiling Your hand holding mine Romantic and awful Perfect and strange A hundred old pipes And everything changed I told you things I don't tell anyone Then heard our friends somewhere above us So we stepped apart Like nothing happened And that might've hurt More than the kiss did [Build | drums gradually return | vocal gaining clarity] Maybe there isn't a right feeling Maybe nobody tells you when Maybe growing up is choosing something Before you know how it ends [Final Chorus | full melodic arrangement | wider harmonies | emotional release without power-ballad belting] How can I be too cold and too hot? Maybe that's just what wanting feels like How can I feel so brave And still be scared? Maybe what I want Can also be what I fear If I reach for you I might lose something If I walk away I already know I will I know how the kiss felt I know I want another I just don't know What comes after that [Post-Chorus | drums soften | layered breathy harmonies] Not yet Not yet I don't have to know it yet [Outro | chiming guitar | analog pad | distant pipe hum | intimate vocal] Tomorrow we'll sit with everyone You'll look at me I'll look away And somewhere under all that concrete There's a secret Still warm
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