[INTRO — WAR DRUMS, STOMPING BOOTS] OI! Who invited the squid to a sword fight?! The bastard's got eight arms and STILL can't hold his rum! [KRA-KOOOM! KRA-KOOOM!] [VERSE 1 — FULL SAIL, FULL HELL] Our green-skinned queen hit the deck with a roar, One boot through a barrel, one blade through the storm! Black hair like thunder, red ribbons aflame, She yelled, "COME GET SOME!" and the ocean knew her name! A tentacle reached for her treasure and gold, She said, "Buy me a drink before getting that bold!" She hacked off a sucker, then spat in the spray, "Hands off me booty! There's a TAX you must pay!" [BOOM! BOOM! — STARBOARD BROADSIDE!] [CHORUS — ALL HANDS SCREAMING] BANG! BANG! GIVE THE SQUID A WHANG! LOAD THAT IRON! LET THE CANNONS BANG! YO-HO-HO! DOWN BELOW! IF IT GRABS OUR ARSE, THEN THE ARSE MUST GO! BANG! BANG! FIRE AGAIN! SEND THAT SLIPPERY BASTARD TO THE DEEP, AMEN! [KRA-KOOM! KRA-KOOM! — FULL BROADSIDE!] [VERSE 2 — GOBLINATED!] Skram came charging in pumpkin-black trim, With a grin full of knives and a dangerous hymn! "GOBLINATED!" he shrieked at the beast, Then bit a wet tentacle—"THAT'S NOT A FEAST!" The goblins fired cannons with terrible aim, Blew the cook's bloody trousers clean out of the frame! He stood there bare-bottomed, saluting the mast, "FIRST TIME ME WIND'S EVER MOVED THIS FAST!" [KA-BOOOOM! — CANNONBALLS THROUGH THE RIGGING!] [VERSE 3 — THE RUM-SOAKED ROGUE] The tattooed old rogue with a red bandana, Swung steel like a drunk at a wedding in Havana! He swigged Kraken Rum, then he yelled, "WHAT A TWIST! I'M DRINKING THE FAMILY OF THAT BLOODY FIST!" A sucker slapped hard on the side of his vest, "Easy there, darling! I ain't been undressed!" He stabbed at the arm and he gave it a kick, "Eight hands, no manners—and STILL a small prick!" [BOOM! BOOM! BOOOOM! — THE DECK BUCKLES!] [VERSE 4 — CANNON COURTSHIP] A goblin yelled, "CAPTAIN! IT'S COURTING THE BOW!" "Tell it I'm married to plunder, not now!" It hugged three gunports and squeezed with delight, Till twelve smoking cannons blew kisses of spite! One sucker came flying and landed in stew, "ADD PEPPER!" yelled Skram. "THE SEA'S FEEDING THE CREW!" [BRIDGE — HALF-TIME WAR CHANT] The sky split open! The mainmast broke! The goblins coughed laughter through powder and smoke! "RAM IT!" yelled Skram. "THE SHIP?" yelled the crew. "THE CANNONS, YOU IDIOTS! WHAT ELSE WOULD WE DO?" The queen raised her saber, the rogue raised his flask, The kraken looked worried—too late now to ask! [KRA-KOOM! KRA-KOOM! KRA-KOOOOOM!] [FINAL CHORUS — EVERY GOBLIN SCREAMING] BANG! BANG! GIVE THE SQUID A WHANG! LOAD THAT IRON! LET THE CANNONS BANG! YO-HO-HO! DOWN BELOW! WE'LL BLOW THAT WET BUGGER TO DAVY JONES' SHOW! BANG! BANG! FIRE AGAIN! THREE MAD CAPTAINS AND A THOUSAND GOBLIN MEN! [ALL CANNONS — KRA-KOOOOOOOOOM!] [Sudden silence.] "...Anyone fancy calamari?" [ONE LAST CANNON — BOOM!]
