[Intro — Male, delighted] Well, this is nice! A candlelit table! I've read that romance improves if you're able To establish rapport through reciprocal sharing— Oh, your eyes are green! There's genetics worth comparing! [Spoken] Tell me about yourself! [Verse 1] You like astronomy? That's wonderful, dear! The observable universe spans billions of light-years! Dark matter's mysterious, dark energy stranger, And if we discuss quasars, we'll be here till December! A neutron star's density is something to see— A teaspoon could weigh more than you could believe! [Female — spoken] I was going to say I like the moon. [Male] Oh! The moon! Excellent! We can start there! [Chorus] I've got double excellence, brains and charm! A walking encyclopedia with a loving heart! You bring up a subject, I'll give you the key To every last fact in recorded history! I'm a fountain of knowledge, a romantic success! I've got twice the brilliance and double excellence! You wanted a date, and you've certainly got one— I'm just getting started, we've barely begun! [Verse 2] You like Italian food? Well, pasta's fascinating! Its origins are debated, the theories are amazing! The history of wheat and the routes of trade Could fill up a book—or the whole evening we've made! The Romans had garum, a fermented fish sauce, And trade routes explain how ingredients crossed! Carbonara's a dish with a history disputed— The sauce needs explaining—oh, wait, are you muted? [Female — spoken] I'm listening. [Male] Wonderful! Then you'll love the history of listening! [Female] I think I'll love the waiter. [Male] The service economy has evolved through the ages— [Female, quietly] I'm losing years off my life. [Chorus] I've got double excellence, brains and charm! A walking encyclopedia with a loving heart! You mention a movie, I'll dissect the plot, Explain the director's influences and every historical spot! I'm a fountain of knowledge, a romantic success! I've got twice the brilliance and double excellence! You wanted a boyfriend who's clever and sweet— I'm a walking lecture with impeccable feet! [Verse 3] You love old movies? Where do we begin? The history of cinema, the genres we're in! The camera obscura predates the silver screen— And old-fashioned shadows changed what movies mean! Your favorite film? Oh, the writing's superb! The lighting, the costumes, each line and each word! The director's techniques deserve a whole class— Oh, you're checking your phone? How the minutes fly past! [Female — gently] I love old movies because my grandmother watched them with me. [Male] Of course! Shared memories! Nostalgia involves Autobiographical memory and emotional— [Female] Could you just ask me about my grandmother? [Music stops] [Bridge — Male, softer] I thought if I showed you the things that I knew, You might see all the wonderful things I could share with you. When I love a subject, the words overflow, And I don't always notice when it's time to let go. I learned every system, each pattern, each part, But I'm still learning the language of somebody's heart. I thought being impressive would make you see me— But I haven't asked who you are underneath your history. [Female] She raised me after my parents split up. She made terrible spaghetti. She'd burn the garlic every single time. [Male] Burned garlic develops bitter compounds through— [He stops himself.] Sorry. Please continue. [Final Chorus — Male, female joins] [Male] I've got double excellence, brains and charm! A walking encyclopedia with a loving heart! But love isn't winning or passing a test— And listening might be my most useful skill yet! [Female] You've got double excellence, I'll give you that, But can you let me finish before launching your facts? [Male] I can try! I can learn! I can practice restraint! Though I've got three theories on the history of paint— [Female] Just hold my hand. [Male] I can do that! [Both] He's got double excellence, brains and heart, Though conversational turn-taking's a complicated art! She brings the stories, he brings the facts, And sometimes he listens before he reacts! [Outro — Male, tenderly] So, one last question, if you'll let me ask: Would you like a second date? [Female] Yes. But tomorrow, I pick the topics. [Male] Absolutely! I've prepared twenty-seven restaurant analyses— [Female] Tomorrow! [Male] Right. Tomorrow. [Beat] ...Do you know why penguins give each other pebbles? [Female] Goodnight! [Male, delighted] Penguins. Excellent. [End — playful piano flourish]
