[Intro] [fast, bouncy groove] [frantic, swinging jazz riff] One, two, three, let's go! [Verse 1] Down in Sector Four on a gravel lot Sat an old T-Six that the Jawas forgot Thrum Varn stepped out in a greasy vest With a half-chewed bantha rib on his chest No high-born council, no shiny chrome Just a roll of the Force in his double-wide home He's a redneck Jedi with a missing tooth And a manner that's gloriously crude. [Verse 2] He had three space-beers and a jar of moon-shine Now he’s flying a junker down the Kessel line On a drunken mission through the neon glow To the Smuggler’s Moon where the low-lifes go See, his ex-wife took what he held most dear In a bitter divorce at the end of the year She got the vaporators, she got the car And she took the lightsaber he won in a bar! [Chorus] [driving, syncopated groove] He’s a Trailer Park Jedi, he's strong in the Force His wife took his lightsaber, in the divorce He don’t need no council, he don’t need no state He’s got the power of the mighty Duct Tape Just like the Force, it's got sides light and dark Binds galaxies together, when things fall apart [Verse 3] [sneaky, tiptoeing jazz rhythm] He landed the ship in a seedy old slum Where the Rodians drink and the swoop-bikers bum He crept up the stairs to his ex-wife’s flat With a piece of raw meat for her tooka-cat He picked at the lock with a rusted nail Thinking: "She's out drinking green Corellian ale!" The door slid open with a creak and a groan He was inside the fortress, completely alone! [Chorus] He’s a Trailer Park Jedi, he's strong in the Force His wife took his lightsaber, in the divorce He don’t need no council, he don’t need no state He’s got the power of the mighty Duct Tape Just like the Force, it's got sides light and dark Binds galaxies together, when things fall apart [Bridge] [tempo accelerates, instruments clash frantically] [vocal delivery becomes intense, operatic] A shadow loomed large in the corner of gloom! A dark lord of chaos inside of the room! A blocky silhouette standing deadly and tall Thrum cried, "Taste my fury, you Sith in the hall!" He didn't have steel, but he had a quick hand He whipped out the roll like the best in the land He wrapped up the ankles! He bound up the feet! And the Sith Lord collapsed with a rhythmic "GONK" beat! (GONK! GONK!) [Spoken] ...Wait. (Music drops out for a split-second, just a solo banjo pluck) ...That's just a battery on legs. [Verse 4] [music explodes back in, faster than before] But the "GONK" was too loud and it woke up the bride! She marched out the bedroom with fury and pride! She threw a heavy hydrospanner right at his head And cursed him in Huttese for the tears she had shed! Thrum leaped out the window! He fell through the air! Landing flat on a rusted speeder parked over there! He didn't get his saber, he’s broke and he’s sore But he swore to the moon: "I'll be back for the score!" [Final Chorus] [grand, chaotic finale] He’s a Trailer Park Jedi, he's strong in the Force His wife took his lightsaber, in the divorce He don’t need no council, he don’t need no state He’s got the power of the mighty Duct Tape Just like the Force, it's got sides light and dark Binds galaxies together, when things fall apart [Outro] (A sharp, metallic tearing sound effect) (One final, chaotic, swinging banjo chord and a steel drum rimshot) [Spoken] Next time, woman... next time.
