Ain’t My Truck Bed Dusty Rhodes (Fire Cut)

[Start] [Intro – Spoken / Hungover Outlaw Country] Hold on. [pause] That ceiling fan ain’t mine. That dog ain’t mine. And unless my truck grew wallpaper overnight... [Band Kicks In] boys, we got a mystery. [Verse 1] Friday showed up with a cooler full of bad Beer cans sweatin’ in a grocery sack Sun went down, somebody yelled my name Next thing I know, Saturday caught flame There was bourbon in a bottle with the label scratched off Tequila in a cup and the whole night coughed Rum took a swing, then whiskey stepped in And I got introduced to my evil twin Some girl named Shelby, maybe Shelly, maybe Sue Had red boots on and a dangerous tattoo She said, “Dance, cowboy,” I said, “I don’t know how” She said, “Perfect,” and dragged me through the crowd [Pre-Chorus] I remember loud I remember hot I remember sayin’ “I should not” Then somebody laughed And the stars got bent And my good sense packed up And away it went [Chorus] I don’t know where I am I don’t know who drove I don’t know why my shirt smells like smoke and cloves I ain’t sure where my boots done got to Or whose damn kitchen I just walked through Last thing I recall was a woman and a song Then the whole weekend turned the headlights off I’ll figure it out Hell, maybe by noon Then do it again next weekend too [Verse 2] Saturday noon, I was runnin’ on beer Somebody handed me a cup and disappeared Tasted like gasoline, peaches, and crime So naturally, brother, I finished mine Pot smoke rollin’ from the porch to the trees Cocaine talkin’ like it had good ideas I ain’t proud, I ain’t preachin’, I ain’t makin’ no claim Just reportin’ the facts from a half-burned brain There was a blonde from Macon with a mouth like fire A brunette from Mobile callin’ every man a liar One said “Ven aquí,” one said “Boy, behave” I said both at once and dug my own grave [Pre-Chorus] I remember boots On a tabletop I remember swearin’ I would never stop Then I remember lights Maybe blue, maybe red Then I woke up confused With a drum in my head [Chorus] I don’t know where I am I don’t know who drove I don’t know why my shirt smells like smoke and cloves I ain’t sure where my boots done got to Or whose damn kitchen I just walked through Last thing I recall was a woman and a song Then the whole weekend turned the headlights off I’ll figure it out Hell, maybe by noon Then do it all again next weekend too [Break – Stomp / Call-and-Response] Who drank the beer? (Dusty did!) Who lost the keys? (Dusty did!) Who kissed the bartender? (She kissed him first!) Who stole his boots? (Nobody knows!) [Verse 3] Now I seen my hat on a ceiling fan My belt in a sink and a note on my hand Said “Call me, maybe,” with no damn name Just lipstick numbers and a gravy stain There’s glitter on my neck and grass in my hair A church fan sittin’ on a indoor lawn chair Three missed calls from a number named “Do Not” And a picture of me ridin’ a MULE through a parking lot I checked the window, saw a pond out back Two trucks, one goat, and a busted kayak That ain’t my cooler, that ain’t my gun And that sure ain’t the sunrise I ordered, son [Bridge – Beat Pulls Back / Woozy Guitar] Now somewhere out there My truck’s still parked Or maybe rollin’ slow Through somebody’s yard Somewhere my boots Are tellin’ my shame To a woman whose number I saved under “Hurricane” And I oughta feel bad I oughta feel scared But I’m mostly impressed I survived somewhere [Final Chorus] I don’t know where I am I don’t know who drove I don’t know why my shirt smells like smoke and cloves I ain’t sure where my boots done got to Or whose damn couch I just fell through Last thing I recall was a woman and a song Then the whole weekend turned the headlights off I’ll figure it out Hell, maybe by noon Then do it again next weekend too I’ll figure it out With a bruise and a grin And a terrible plan To begin again [Outro – Spoken / Band Falling Apart] Now... this ain’t the bed of my truck. [pause] This ain’t even a bed. This is a trampoline in somebody’s mudroom. [pause] Well. That explains my back. [phone buzzes] Text says: “You alive?” [pause] I'll Tell her... “Technically.” And the cowboy hat smiley, yeah. [End]