[Deep sigh] [Opening solo] Hey there, diary. [pause] Once again....[pause] [sigh] [talking] I'm back. Yup, it's me, the undead demon slaying superpowered survivor. [pause] [exhausted, annoyed] Jimmy. [opening solo] [talking] "Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. If you were a living thing, you'd be all like "Jimmy, stop writing in your diary, you have Zombies and Demons to kill". [pause] [rap]Day 652. I've been doing fine out here in the wastes, the cold harsh grip of death has yet to have a taste, and if I'm being honest, I'm getting bored. So here I am, out here in the dark. The dead don't stop, they never stop, but they seem to think eventually they'll come out on top, but they never do. And as I walked, there he was yet again: TalRasha, lord of the dead. [pause] That undead doofus ran his mouth once again. [talking]I swear thats his secret power. [solo] [funny, evil voice] "YOU AGAIN? YOU DARE DEFY THE WILL OF TALRASHA LORD OF THE [pause] [stabbing noises] [pause][talking] what the hell man? Did you just kill my army of the dead, slaughter my demonlings and manage to make a cup of tea before I could even finish my evil monologue? [pause]...we talked about this." [talking] I looked at my teacup and quickly, awkwardly tossed it aside, and then I just looked at TalRasha in his eyes. It's every DAY with this guy. Literally, I see him every day, he's like a funny little zombie clown man that pops up at the most annoying times. I actually, unironically prefer actual, ironically literal zombie clowns to this guy. [solo] [talking] Though, I guess I dont blame him for trying. So I leapt forward and cracked his jaw. Or, I tried anyway. [pause] I had Performance anxiety. [pause] You know how it is. [pause] Anyway, he amped an attack and he sent me flying. [crash] [pause] I hit the ground hard. There I went sliding, flipping and spinning until I hit a car. Then, he paused and spoke. [evil funny voice] [talking] "Hey listen uh.....we need to talk." I raised an eyebrow. "Excuse me, what? Really? What, am I not hitting you hard enough? Do I like smell bad or... [evil funny voice] "Yeah listen man, I've uh....sort of uh...been seeing another arch enemy. I'm just not like...feeling it with you anymore, you know?" Diary, I couldn't believe my ears. The sheer disrespect! So I looked at him. "You know what? Thats a dick move, even for you, Lord of the dicks." then I dusted off and got to my feet, and I moved on. [solo] Putting that behind me, I wound on through the thickets of sadness. A little cut here and a little slice there, and there stood the guardian of the shrine of sorrow.. when I heard it. [Evil Demon Voice] "HALT! BRING ME YOUR ENTRAILS, MAGGOT! THE FEAST OF 1000 SORROWS DEMANDS SUSTENANCE!" I just sighed. "Not today man, my arch enemy broke up with me." he looked at me confused and said... [Evil demon voice] Wait what. Then I slinked past him, and tossed him a can of tomato soup. And on he went opening his mouth again. [pause, loud crash] [evil demon voice] " HEY JACKASS THAT WAS MY FACE! Hey wait....where are you going? [growing faint] Come back! Pretty please? [sad solo] [talking]I just sighed, and moved on. [pause] Diary, I know this is the end of days and all but damn, this level of suck is way worse than eternal darkness and damnation. And so I cut through the thicket and passed by the cursed crossroads when I tripped over a rotting hand. As I got my balance back i saw it. yup, it was TalRasha fighting his new arch enemy. Come on man, unbelievable. Right there. In front of me. I saw that bastard having the best time. He saw me out of the corner of his eyes. And like always that stupid zombie loving corpse hoarding smelly ass necromancer dweeb opened his mouth and said... [funny evil voice] Whew boy. This is awkward. Listen uh....no hard feelings right? [pause] [guitar solo] Diary, I blinked, and the new "me" locked onto my eyes. And once again that idiotic zombie loving wizard nerd spoke. [pause] [solo] [funny evil voice] Just don't make eye contact and he should leave.. I just sighed and sat down on a grave, looking at the sky of the damned. Eventually the fighting died down. If you count weak ass slapfighting a fight. I continued on. Valleys. Deserts. Forests. Rifts. i walked for hours, until I found myself in the canyon of the damned. It sounds cool and all but trust me its pretty whack. it just a nether rift full of butthurt souls and demons. Anyway, I had some time on my hands, so I poked around, when I heard a voice from the shadows, and she spoke. "Who are you? Why aren't you stabbing me? Everyone stabs me. Its kind of my thing. Well, not right now it isnt, but I'm a totally scary demon." She slithered on out to meet my gaze and I just sighed and said "No stabbing today. My arch enemy broke up with me." She tilted her head. "Well isnt that a coincidence? I seem to be arch enemy-less myself. Wanna kick my ass?" My heart skipped a beat. I think I'm in love. [outro]
