[Intro: Jaunty Piano, Cheeky Guitar] Right, gather round. I've solved the case. Now who put pumpkin on my paperwork? [Verse 1] Blackwood by name, black magic by trade, I spot every trick that a liar has played. One eye on the shadows, three steps ahead, I've solved your alibi before you've left the bed. The real Sherlock? Let's not be absurd. I'm better with magic, and marginally less disturbed. I've got facts, deductions, a perfectly good plan... Then a sentient gourd eats the evidence again! [Pre-Chorus] I've got a wizard's wand, A mind beyond compare, And somehow I'm the only Adult who's working here! [Chorus] Oh, I'm Adrian Blackwood, The cleverest man in the room! I'll unpick your secrets, Predict your impending doom! With Amber on my shoulder And the truth beneath my thumb, I'll solve the world's great mysteries... If Pumpkin doesn't eat them! [Verse 2] Sebastian sees futures, Henry breaks the door, Elias brings a creature we've not met before. Alistair patches everyone, then laughs until he cries, While I explain for the sixth time That clues are not for pies! [Spoken: Adrian, deeply exasperated] Pumpkin! That was a witness statement! [Spoken: Alistair, laughing] Sorry! Sorry, Adrian! He looked hungry! [Spoken: Adrian] HE'S A GOURD! [Verse 3] Duchess Amber, silver queen, Sharpest cat this side of the scene. British Shorthair, amber-eyed, She judges all the fools who try. She walks through danger, tail held high, Nine lives, one look that says, "You're a lie." My familiar, my partner, my sovereign of fur, The only one here who knows what she's worth. [Chorus] Oh, I'm Adrian Blackwood, The cleverest man in the room! I'll unpick your secrets, Predict your impending doom! I've got five good detectives And a cat who runs the show... Now, who stole my notes? Oh, Pumpkin. Of course. I know. [Bridge: Guitars Drop, Piano Turns Tender] You'd challenge every theory, You'd laugh when I was wrong. Bright, bold, and full of sunshine, With a mind that meets my own. I'd bring your favourite tea, Remember what you said, And tell you all the little things That circle round my head. I can solve a thousand riddles, Make the impossible make sense... But you might ask me how I'm feeling And leave me without a defence. [Build: Drums and Guitars Rise] For what am I when I can't fix it? Who am I without the answer? Would you stay when I'm just Adrian, Not the wizard, not the master? [Final Chorus: Heartfelt, Soaring] If I lay down all my cleverness, If I let the silence through, Would I still be worth the choosing If there's nothing I can do? Keep the tea, the books, the banter, Keep the days we waste on air. I don't need to solve the mystery... Just to know that you are there. [Outro: Bright Guitar Returns] Case closed. Unless Pumpkin ate the file. [Pumpkin: Munch] [Adrian, deadpan] I'm transferring to Scotland.
