[Verse 1 – Craig (Male)] I’ve played dead on highways and under porches, Faked my way through five divorces. Got hit by a bike, bit by a goose, I once dated a squirrel — named her "Vamoose." [Verse 2] Woke up in dumpsters, on top of a bar, Tagged by a vet, thought I was a star. I got trauma in my tail, fleas in my pride, And a tattoo I swear was a raccoon’s dare night. [Chorus] This here’s my calamity, my backwoods ballad, For every wrong turn and every tossed salad. I’ve loved, I’ve lost, I’ve dodged the pound — But I’m still kickin’, just lower to the ground. [Verse 3] Met Rhonda when I fell in her trap — Literal trap, I chewed through the strap. She hissed, I swooned, she bit, I stayed, And that’s when this possum’s dues got paid. [Bridge – Slowed and bluesy] I’m not brave, I’m just hard to kill, Got no plan, just stubborn will. My life’s a mess — a furball crash, But I’d do it again for her raccoon sass. [Final Chorus – Full band kick] So here’s to the chaos, the dirt, the din, The junkyard jukebox we’re living in. If calamity’s love, then I’ve had my fill — 'Cause loving her’s the wildest thrill.
