Claws of the Damned

[Intro - echoing sinister meowing] mew mew mew [Verse 1 – spoken rap, intro story] Look, I think my cat’s tryin’ to kill me. She showed up last fall—no collar, just filthy. Found her sittin’ by the dumpster alone Licked her paw once, then followed me home I opened the door—she walked right in Took the good chair like she’d always been She curled up fast like, “Yeah, this’ll do” I just said, “Weird,” and made some food She slept all day, didn’t make a peep But I swear she whispered when I fell asleep Yeah, I thought that cat was weird as hell But I shrugged like, “Nah, Forget it. She vibes. Oh well.” [Chorus] The cat... the cat... claws of the damned Sits on my chest with a murderin’ plan Stalks the porch like she owns the lawn Chased the mailman off three damn dawns [Verse 2 – behavior escalates] Next week, things got real strange She dragged a bird in—neck half-flanged Laid it down right next to my foot And stared like, “Run you fool if you know what’s good.” She knocked down mugs, turned off the lights Sat in the sink through five whole nights I caught her straight-up licking the TV screen Then she hissed at the fridge like it talked back mean Swatted the mirror while I brushed my teeth Clawed up my leg when I offered her treats Her eyes stay locked like she’s plotting plans And I’m livin’ in fear of her little damn hands [Chorus] The cat... the cat... claws of the damned Doesn’t do tricks, just making plans Stares while I sleep with her head real still Like she’s just waitin’ for a damn excuse to kill [Bridge – missing dog, slow realization] The neighbor’s dog went missin’—aww hell Just a leash in the yard and a weird burnt smell Next day? My cat brought home a bone Sat by the window like she owns my home There was fur in the sink, tags in a pile She swiped at my leg with a crooked smile I laughed at first, but that didn’t stick— This cat’s a killer, send help quick! [Final Chorus] The cat… the cat… claws of the damned Moves through the house like a beast that’s damned Scratched my name in blood on the kitchen floor Left clawmarks in the bathroom door [Outro – spoken, flat tone] The cat… the cat… claws of the damned Doesn’t do tricks, just makin’ plans Scratched in blood like a cursed little promise She’s got a list and I’m pretty sure I’m on it If I go missing, don’t bring flowers. Just… feed her first. Then wait a few hours. If she yawns twice, you’re probably fine. But if she purrs like a killer? Put a damn collar on it.