{Intro] Life's a bitch. People are worse. But you know what they say... You can't fix stupid. But you CAN fix a busted set of nails! [Verse1] Life will troll you and push you to the ledge, Life will roll you and leave you hanging from the edge, You gotta scratch and claw just to keep on the rails, Pulling yourself up with bloody fingers and cracked nails. No matter how strong you are, sometimes you need a friend, Who knows how to get you a full set and a fill-in, So you go to the man who knows your name, Who listens as he files and supports you through your pain. Screw the bartender, forget the gas teller, When you need to soak off life's acrylic, he's your feller! With a mask covering the bottom of his face, He's the Nail-Spa Ninja with style and grace! [Pre−Chorus] He'll buff your troubles, shape your despair, Slap on some builder gel and show the world you care! Got a broken heart? He'll give you a break, There's no trauma too deep for a fresh coat of paint! Chorus] NAIL-SPA NINJA! FILE AWAY THE PAIN! TOP COAT YOUR TROUBLES, LET IT ALL DRAIN! Acrylic armor, cuticle defense, He'll give your busted life a little confidence! NAIL-SPA NINJA! LET THE BAD TIMES GO! From a coffin shape to a French tip glow! When the world's gone crazy and your whole life's a mess, He'll put chrome on your misery and a shine on your stress! [Verse2] Walk through the door with your whole world cracked, Boyfriend's a jerk and your boss is an ass, Your rent's overdue and your car won't start, And your last set's peeling like your hopes and your heart. He says, "Pick a color. Tell me what's wrong." Then he grabs that e-file and turns on your song. A little cuticle work, a little dead-skin sweep, While you spill all the secrets you were sworn to keep. Gel-X extensions, dip powder, too, He's got more solutions than your therapist do! A little dehydrator, primer, base coat, While he hears about the ex who deserves a choke. Now don't get violent — that's not what we do, We just make your nails look fantastic and new! You came in crying, now you're feeling sublime, With a flawless apex and a glossy finish line! [Pre−Chorus] He'll shape your stilettos, sculpt your square, Give your cuticles love and your problems some air! A little hand massage, let the tension unwind, He's a licensed magician with an acetone mind! [Chorus] NAIL-SPA NINJA! FILE AWAY THE PAIN! TOP COAT YOUR TROUBLES, LET IT ALL DRAIN! Acrylic armor, cuticle defense, He'll give your busted life a little confidence! NAIL-SPA NINJA! LET THE BAD TIMES GO! From a coffin shape to a French tip glow! When the world's gone crazy and your whole life's a mess, He'll put chrome on your misery and a shine on your stress! [Bridge] Now some folks go to church. Some folks hit the bar. Some folks buy a sporty new car. But when your thumbnail snaps And your whole world’s in collapse, There's only one man you can call! "Can you squeeze me in?" "I got you." "Can you fix this lifting?" "I got you." "I want chrome, cat-eye, glitter, AND jewels!" "Girl, sit down. I got tools!" [Breakdown] DEHYDRATE! PRIME IT RIGHT! BUILD THAT APEX! SEAL IT TIGHT! CUTICLE PUSH! E-FILE HUM! NO MORE BUBBLES! HERE THEY COME! SHAPE THAT NAIL! CURE THAT GEL! LIFE'S A CIRCUS — BUT YOUR NAILS LOOK SWELL! [Verse 3] He's seen the cheaters, the liars, the fools, The ladies who bring in Pinterest rules, The "just a little off" that means half an inch, And the clients who flinch at the slightest pinch. He's heard every secret from every affair, Every family feud and who's losing their hair. He's a vault of confessions behind that mask, And somehow still smiling when you make one more ask. "Can you make them longer?" "Can you make them thin?" "Can you fix the one I broke by digging in a tin?" He'll patch that free edge with a silk wrap repair, Then sculpt you a masterpiece with professional care. He's got monomer flowing, polymer powder, Working through the gossip hour after hour. From a rebalance fill to a soak-off rescue, There's no nail emergency he can't talk you through! [Final Chorus] NAIL-SPA NINJA! FILE AWAY THE PAIN! TOP COAT YOUR TROUBLES, LET IT ALL DRAIN! Acrylic armor, cuticle defense, He's your beauty technician and your emotional fence! NAIL-SPA NINJA! STAND UP TALL! A fresh set of claws for a world gone small! When your heart's been shattered and your hope's a mess, HE'LL GIVE YOU A FULL SET AND A LITTLE LESS STRESS! [Outro] Life may break you! Life may fail! But you can face the world With a brand-new set of nails! One more fill-in! One more shine! Nail-Spa Ninja — YOU'LL BE FINE! [spoken] "That'll be fifty bucks, plus the chrome, the charms, and the extra length." "...Can I tip you next time?" "YOU KNOW WHERE THE DOOR IS!"
