[Intro – Spoken with exhaustion and a grin] Four kids… bathroom time… Here we go again… [Verse 1] Woke up to the sound of “Daaaaddy!” Little feet running, pants around the ankles already One on the potty, one at the door One yelling “I pooped!” and one on the floor I’ve wiped more butts than a proctologist dream Peanut butter fingerprints all over the scene They say “Daddy help!” with that innocent face But I’m over here thinking… “Payback’s a phase” [Pre-Chorus] I was worse when I was their age… [Chorus] Wipe your own butt! (Wipe your own butt!) That’s what I yell when I’m losing my mind Wipe your own butt! (Wipe your own butt!) Four little chaos machines, one at a time From the terrible twos to the threenager years I’m knee-deep in it and fighting back tears Wipe your own butt! Come on kids, you can do it Daddy needs a break before I completely lose it! [Verse 2] I remember being little, driving my parents insane Now it’s full circle — karma’s got no shame They’re yelling “All done!” from across the hall While asking why the toilet’s so tall Tag-teaming the sink, flooding the place I love ‘em to death but man, some days I just wanna scream… “WIPE YOUR OWN BUTT” in every way! [Bridge – Fast silly rap] Left cheek, right cheek, front to back please Don’t forget the paper, don’t make me say it twice I changed your diapers, now you’re big kids — sorta Time to master the wipe, this ain’t Florida! [Final Chorus – Bigger with gang vocals + kid-like ad-libs] Wipe your own butt! (Wipe your own butt!) Future’s looking bright if you just give it a shot Wipe your own butt! (Wipe your own butt!) One day you’ll be parents and then you’ll get got From sunrise to bedtime, the struggle is real But these little monsters are the best kind of deal Wipe your own butt! Yeah we’re learning somehow Daddy loves you… now please figure it out! [Outro – Laughing chaotic fade] Yeah… wipe your own butt… I’m begging you kids… One day you’ll understand… Love you anyway.
