[Intro – Bright Honky-Tonk Train Beat] [Eight-Bar Fiddle and Pedal-Steel Opening] [Verse 1 – Male Lead, Warm Storytelling] The envelope said “Congratulations” In letters big and gold They praised my skill and character And everything I’d told “We’re thrilled to make an offer” Then I asked what it would hold [Band Stops] [Male Lead] Salary? [Cheerful Female Backing Voices] T-B-D! [Male Lead] Vacation? [Backing Voices] T-B-D! [Male Lead] Annual bonus? [Backing Voices] T-B-D! [Male Lead] How much travel? [Corporate Voice] Occasionally [Male Lead] And occasionally means? [Backing Voices] T-B-D! [Chorus – Full Honky-Tonk Band] Salary— T-B-D! Vacation— T-B-D! Bonus, title, place and time— T-B-D! Sign today Begin Monday Everything else is T-B-D! [Instrumental Break – Eight Bars of Fiddle] [Verse 2 – Train Beat Continues] The title waits on restructuring The raise depends on sales The hybrid policy is valid Till another memo sails The benefits begin in ninety days If nothing else derails [Requirement Breakdown – Piano and Rimshots] [Corporate Voice, Reading Quickly] Valid driver’s licence Reliable car Clean driving record Wherever you are Current passport Your own phone High-speed internet A proper home Credit card ready To cover every flight We reimburse expenses When Finance says they’re right Evenings as required Weekends when we call Occasional travel Could mean none Or could mean all [Male Lead] But the posting said remote [Corporate Voice] Mostly [Pedal-Steel Sting] [Chorus – Backing Voices More Enthusiastic] Salary— T-B-D! Vacation— T-B-D! Bonus, title, place and time— T-B-D! Bring your car Bring your passport Everything else is T-B-D! [Bridge 1 – “It Depends” Call and Response] [Male Lead] What does the bonus depend on? [Backing Voices] The market! [Male Lead] And the market? [Backing Voices] The sales! [Male Lead] And the sales? [Backing Voices] Performance! [Male Lead] Mine? [Corporate Voice] Not necessarily [Backing Voices, Building] It depends on the quarter It depends on the trends It depends on the dollar And how the fiscal year ends If the oil price behaves If the board approves the plan If the war settles down Somewhere around Iran If the boss sleeps well If the forecasts all look sunny If his wife wakes up smiling There might be bonus money! [All Voices] IT DEPENDS! IT DEPENDS! IT DEPENDS! [Instrumental Break – Pedal Steel and Honky-Tonk Piano] [Verse 3 – Music Pulls Back] My answer must be final My commitment firm and true A six-month trial protects them If I fail to make it through They may change the job or end it But I’m bound to what I do [Male Lead] What exactly is confirmed? [Corporate Voice, Calmly] Your background check Your references Your licence Your degree Your Monday morning start time And your full availability Your answer must arrive by five Your signature must be clear [Male Lead] And your commitments? [Corporate Voice] Reviewed later in the year [Bridge 2 – Slow Country Build] [Backing Voices] Your answer must be final Your commitment must be firm Every promise we have offered May be changed within the term [Male Lead] My side is unconditional Your side depends on sales I carry every consequence You carry all the caveats [Band Stops] [Corporate Voice] Do you accept our offer? [Silence] [Final Chorus – Roles Reversed] [Corporate Voice] Will you sign it? [Male Lead and Backing Voices] T-B-D! [Corporate Voice] Will you take it? [Male Lead and Backing Voices] T-B-D! [Corporate Voice] Will you move here? [Male Lead and Backing Voices] T-B-D! [Corporate Voice] Can you start on Monday? [Male Lead] Occasionally [Corporate Voice] What does occasionally mean? [Full Band] T-B-D! [Final Honky-Tonk Chorus] Sign today? T-B-D! Take the job? T-B-D! Pack the car and change my life? T-B-D! Is your offer good enough? [Brief Silence] [Male Lead] We’ll see [Final Fiddle Run] [Corporate Voice, Urgent] We need your answer by five [Male Lead, Calmly] Subject to market conditions [Pedal-Steel Chord]
