Ice Ice Baby (Meltdown)

"Is this thing on? My badge fell in the gravy..." Tactical vest over a stained wife-beater Checking the perimeter of a parking meter He saw a toddler with a plastic spade Called for backup, (voice: high pitched squeaky) "I’m underpaid and afraid!" They got the NVGs (Night Vision Goggles) to find a taco stand But they trip over shadows in the Disneyland Big tough boys with a camo-painted chin Can’t even tuck their own bellies in. Ice, Ice, Baby... (Your zipper’s stuck again) Ice, Ice, Baby... (Playing soldier with your friends) Afraid of a burrito, allergic to the truth The biggest bunch of cowards since the dawn of youth. They spotted a gardener, a "dangerous" threat He had a watering can, they started to sweat (voice: goofy southern drawl) "He’s got a liquid weapon!" the captain cried Then they all ran away and tried to hide inside They saw a gang member with a mean-looking stare So they hid behind a bush and combed each other's hair They only bust doors at a nursing home But they call for an escort to the Golden Dome. Look at 'em go... Running from a pigeon, moving real slow They tried to look hard, they tried to look mean But they’re the funniest circus we’ve ever seen. The neighborhood kids bring out the garden hose Spray 'em in the face, right on the nose The "heroes" start melting, oh what a sight Turns out their uniforms were made of... Turkish Delight? They cry for their mamas, they trip on their lace While the whole town laughs at their bright red face The ice truck is towed by a lowrider bike Taking the losers on a one-way hike To the Land of No-Return, where the toddlers rule And the ICE men have to go back... to preschool. "Check yourself... before you wet yourself."