*[Intro — Radio Transmission]** *BZZZT—KRRRSH!* Attention, Moon Department... This is Ziggy Blasterpants. I have arrived before I was scheduled. Please remain horizontally confused. **[Verse 1 — Fast, Cocky Rap]** Ziggy Blasterpants stepped out the door, Wearing seven helmets and a dinosaur. He said, “I'm space-famous in seventeen zones, I got Saturn on speed-dial and Pluto on loans.” He don't walk— he **sidewayses**. He don't talk— he **mouth-announces**. He don't drive— he **vehicle-goes**. He got rocket boots powered by garden hose. Bought a moonbeam at a roadside stand, Paid three moon dollars and a sandwich hand. Got a laser mustache, got a photon tie, Got a jetpack hamster screaming, “WE FLY!” **[Pre-Chorus — Chant]** Wrong-shaped! Long-faced! Cosmic with the shoelace! Who said what? Where's the floor? Ziggy kicked it through a wormhole door! **[Chorus — Big / Stupidly Catchy]** I'm **Ziggy! Ziggy!** Blasterpants supreme! I'm the mayor of the moon and the landlord of a dream! **Ziggy! Ziggy!** Nobody does it like me! I got Jupiter parked in a two-space garage for free! **[Verse 2 — Surreal Storytelling]** He met Captain Wobble at the edge of noon, Captain Wobble was a spoon-shaped moon. He said, “Ziggy, I need you to rescue my pants.” Ziggy said, “Sure.” Then he challenged Saturn to dance. Saturn brought rings. Ziggy brought cheese. Mars brought a chicken with mechanical knees. The chicken said, “BEEP.” The cheese said, “GO.” A space cop yelled, “WHO LET THE GRAVITY GO?” Ziggy just laughed and adjusted his chin. “Gravity's optional when you're this handsome.” Then he sneezed so hard that the Milky Way moved. The moon filed paperwork. The paperwork got sued. **[Pre-Chorus]** Wrong-shaped! Long-faced! Cosmic with the shoelace! Who said what? Where's the floor? Ziggy kicked it through a wormhole door! **[Chorus]** I'm **Ziggy! Ziggy!** Blasterpants supreme! I'm the mayor of the moon and the landlord of a dream! **Ziggy! Ziggy!** Nobody does it like me! I got Jupiter parked in a two-space garage for free! **[Bridge — Spoken / Glitchy]** My spaceship is faster than your spaceship. Why? Because mine has **two engines.** Yours has... **a steering wheel.** Embarrassing. *BEEP.* Also, my spaceship is technically a sandwich. Don't worry about it. **[Verse 3 — Maximum Wordplay]** I astro-nominate, I hyper-drive-thru, I moonwalk sideways in a space canoe. I star-fry planets in a cosmic pan, Then autograph Venus with a rubber-band hand. I got turbo-noodle velocity, Intergalactic extracurricular philosophy. My sneakers go “zoom,” my eyebrows go “pow,” I don't know what I'm saying— **BUT I'M SAYING IT NOW!** I got a pocket-sized universe stuck in my sleeve, A tiny alien roommate who refuses to leave. His name is Frankle. He eats telephone poles. Every Tuesday at midnight he tells me my goals. “Ziggy, be humble.” “Frankle, get lost.” “Ziggy, you're weird.” “Frankle, what's the cost?” **[Breakdown — Call & Response]** WHO'S THAT? **ZIGGY!** WHAT'S THAT? **PANTS!** WHERE'S HE GOING? **SPACE!** WHY'S HE RUNNING? **BECAUSE!** WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? **NOTHING!** **[Final Chorus — Full Chaos]** I'm **Ziggy! Ziggy!** Blasterpants supreme! I'm the mayor of the moon and the landlord of a dream! **Ziggy! Ziggy!** Nobody does it like me! I got Jupiter parked in a two-space garage for free! Ziggy! Ziggy! Rocket in my shoe! I don't know what that means— **BUT YOU DON'T EITHER, DO YOU?!** **[Outro — Transmission Fading]** This has been a message from Ziggy Blasterpants. Please return all borrowed planets to the appropriate mailbox. Do not feed the moon. Do not trust Frankle. And remember: **If the pants are blasting...** **the universe is probably ready.** *BZZZT—KRRRSH!*
