Review - Clinical XXVII (Colon-Liver)

90s R&B Slow Jam, boyband ballad, smooth soul

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V5.5

[Verse 1: The beat drops with a soft, echoing snare on the two and four. The Tenor sings with deep, smooth passion.]
(Tenor)
Colonoscopy in 3 years;
For “adenoma”; above 10 mm, let me dry your tears,
or with tubulovillous/villous histology/high-grade dysplasia, yeah...
For adenomas below 10 mm; count 1-2, that's 7-10 years, I’ll amaze ya!
3-4, 3-5 years.
5-10, 3 years.
Above 10 adenomas, yearly, we face ya!

[Pre-Chorus: The harmonies build up. The Tenor hits a beautiful falsetto.]
(Tenor)
For Serrated Polyps below 10 mm; count 1-2, 5-10 years.
3-4, 3-5 years. 5-10, 3 years, wiping away your fears!
Above 10 or with dysplasia; 3 years!
10 years: normal colonoscopy or fewer than 20 hyperplastic polyps below 10 mm...

Lynch syndrome “colorectal, endometrial, ovarian, kidney, bladder, hepatobiliary, prostate, brain cancers, gastric”... oh baby!
(Boyband Harmonies) ...oh baby!

[Chorus / The Smooth Workup: The strings swell beautifully. The Tenor belts out the treatments like he's begging for love.]
(Tenor)

Internal hemorrhoids bright red bleeding, prolapse, and mucoid discharge;
mostly without pain, when the issues enlarge!
conservative measures, if fail;
rubber band ligation/injection sclerotherapy/electrocoagulation;
if fail hemorrhoidectomy or hemorrhoidopexy, across the nation!
(Boyband Harmonies) * Fecal Incontinence...
(Tenor) Anoscopy for hemorrhoids, fissures, and fistulas!
Proctosigmoidoscopy for rectal carcinoma or proctitis!
Anal ultrasonography or pelvic M.R.I. for anatomic defects, we can fix this!
Anal manometry to define the severity, with clarity!

[Verse 2: The groove gets a little deeper. The Tenor sings with urgent, breathy emotion.]
(Tenor)

Anal fissures... Posterior midline!
if midline check Crohn, H.I.V. tuberculosis, syphilis, or carcinoma on the line.
Severe, tearing pain during defecation followed by throbbing discomfort and constipation,
plus or minus mild hematochezia, let the love shine!
Fiber supplements, sitz baths, topical anesthetics, botulinum, sphincterotomy, to ease ya!

[Bridge / The Deep Ache: The music strips back to just the electric piano and a smooth bassline. The Tenor falls to his knees, vocally.]
(Tenor)

Perianal abscess; throbbing, continuous perianal pain,
erythema, fluctuance, and swelling in the rain.
Drainage! After drainage, if fistula in ano, surgical incision to sustain!

I.g.M. anti-H.B.c. in window period...
I.g.G. anti-H.B.c. appears acute but persists indefinitely, don't be fearful.

[Verse 3 / The Viral Flow: The drums come back with a passionate cymbal crash. The Boyband harmonizes on every acronym.]
(Tenor)
H.B.e.A.g. and H.B.V. D.N.A. indicates replication and infectivity!
anti-H.B.e., means decreased replication and infectivity, scientifically!
Treat; nucleoside/nucleotide analog or pegylated interferon.
Antiviral generally unnecessary in acute hepatitis B, from dusk till dawn!

For H.C.V.; anti-H.C.V. & H.C.V. R.N.A., we carry on!

[Outro / The Slow Fade: The track reaches its emotional peak, then slowly begins to fade out as the Tenor riffs and ad-libs over the liver failure criteria.]
(Tenor)

Acute liver failure; fulminant or subfulminant, day by day!
Fulminant; encephalopathy within 8 weeks & I.N.R. 1.5 or higher!
Subfulminant, between 8 weeks and 6 months, taking you higher!
(Boyband Harmonies) Taking you higher...
(Tenor, fading out) Encephalopathy within 8 weeks, girl... INR 1.5... we gonna survive...

[Ending: A final, lush electric piano chord rings out softly, accompanied by a single, romantic finger snap. Total silence.]

3900/7500

[Intro: 65 BPM. A gentle, rain-like chime sweeps across the track. The fretless bass slides in underneath a warm electric piano chord. The R&B Tenor speaks softly and seductively into the microphone.] (Tenor) Yeah, girl... Sometimes to really know someone, you gotta look deep inside. I'm talking 'bout the guidelines, baby. Listen closely... [Verse 1: The beat drops with a soft, echoing snare on the two and four. The Tenor sings with deep, smooth passion.] (Tenor) Colonoscopy in 3 years; For “adenoma”; above 10 mm, let me dry your tears, or with tubulovillous/villous histology/high-grade dysplasia, yeah... For adenomas below 10 mm; count 1-2, that's 7-10 years, I’ll amaze ya! 3-4, 3-5 years. 5-10, 3 years. Above 10 adenomas, yearly, we face ya! [Pre-Chorus: The harmonies build up. The Tenor hits a beautiful falsetto.] (Tenor) For Serrated Polyps below 10 mm; count 1-2, 5-10 years. 3-4, 3-5 years. 5-10, 3 years, wiping away your fears! Above 10 or with dysplasia; 3 years! 10 years: normal colonoscopy or fewer than 20 hyperplastic polyps below 10 mm... Lynch syndrome “colorectal, endometrial, ovarian, kidney, bladder, hepatobiliary, prostate, brain cancers, gastric”... oh baby! (Boyband Harmonies) ...oh baby! [Chorus / The Smooth Workup: The strings swell beautifully. The Tenor belts out the treatments like he's begging for love.] (Tenor) Internal hemorrhoids bright red bleeding, prolapse, and mucoid discharge; mostly without pain, when the issues enlarge! conservative measures, if fail; rubber band ligation/injection sclerotherapy/electrocoagulation; if fail hemorrhoidectomy or hemorrhoidopexy, across the nation! (Boyband Harmonies) * Fecal Incontinence... (Tenor) Anoscopy for hemorrhoids, fissures, and fistulas! Proctosigmoidoscopy for rectal carcinoma or proctitis! Anal ultrasonography or pelvic M.R.I. for anatomic defects, we can fix this! Anal manometry to define the severity, with clarity! [Verse 2: The groove gets a little deeper. The Tenor sings with urgent, breathy emotion.] (Tenor) Anal fissures... Posterior midline! if midline check Crohn, H.I.V. tuberculosis, syphilis, or carcinoma on the line. Severe, tearing pain during defecation followed by throbbing discomfort and constipation, plus or minus mild hematochezia, let the love shine! Fiber supplements, sitz baths, topical anesthetics, botulinum, sphincterotomy, to ease ya! [Bridge / The Deep Ache: The music strips back to just the electric piano and a smooth bassline. The Tenor falls to his knees, vocally.] (Tenor) Perianal abscess; throbbing, continuous perianal pain, erythema, fluctuance, and swelling in the rain. Drainage! After drainage, if fistula in ano, surgical incision to sustain! I.g.M. anti-H.B.c. in window period... I.g.G. anti-H.B.c. appears acute but persists indefinitely, don't be fearful. [Verse 3 / The Viral Flow: The drums come back with a passionate cymbal crash. The Boyband harmonizes on every acronym.] (Tenor) H.B.e.A.g. and H.B.V. D.N.A. indicates replication and infectivity! anti-H.B.e., means decreased replication and infectivity, scientifically! Treat; nucleoside/nucleotide analog or pegylated interferon. Antiviral generally unnecessary in acute hepatitis B, from dusk till dawn! For H.C.V.; anti-H.C.V. & H.C.V. R.N.A., we carry on! [Outro / The Slow Fade: The track reaches its emotional peak, then slowly begins to fade out as the Tenor riffs and ad-libs over the liver failure criteria.] (Tenor) Acute liver failure; fulminant or subfulminant, day by day! Fulminant; encephalopathy within 8 weeks & I.N.R. 1.5 or higher! Subfulminant, between 8 weeks and 6 months, taking you higher! (Boyband Harmonies) Taking you higher... (Tenor, fading out) Encephalopathy within 8 weeks, girl... INR 1.5... we gonna survive... [Ending: A final, lush electric piano chord rings out softly, accompanied by a single, romantic finger snap. Total silence.]

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