If I Mattered, You Would Have Come

I opened the door I should have kept closed For a love I buried But never let go You came back from the silence With midnight in your voice Said the world felt empty Said loneliness made too much noise I was tired, I was fragile Still healing out of view But my heart forgot the warning When it heard the hurt in you So I dressed up all my weakness Put my pain beneath a smile Crossed the ache inside my body Just to reach you for a while And I waited With the lights turned low Watching hours fall like rain On a road you didn’t go I told myself, be gentle Maybe he is scared too But love should not leave me shaking For a man who already knew If I mattered, you would have come You would not leave me there alone Counting headlights in the dark Holding hope against my phone You only loved me when the night got heavy Only called when your world felt numb I was soft enough to answer But I am strong enough to run If I mattered, you would have come Now I won’t wait for love No more almost No more someday No more love that looks away No more waiting No more pain I choose myself again I gave you one more sunrise One more chance to make it right You made your pretty promises And I believed them for the night You said, wait, I want to see you You said, soon, I’m on my way So I held my breath for hours While the gold turned into grey Then your words arrived like winter Too careless and too late You were busy, you were sorry But sorry cannot make me wait And something in me shattered Quiet as a closing door Not because you couldn’t love me But because I begged for more I finally saw the pattern I finally saw the truth You did not lose your way to me You only came when it suited you If I mattered, you would have come You would not leave me there alone Counting headlights in the dark Holding hope against my phone You only loved me when the night got heavy Only called when your world felt numb I was soft enough to answer But I am strong enough to run If I mattered, you would have come Now I won’t wait for love No more almost No more someday No more love that looks away No more waiting No more pain I choose myself again I wanted to be tender I wanted to be kind But I forgot my own heart Was also worth my time I can bless what we were I can leave without hate But I will not be a woman You remember only late If you loved me, I would feel it If you wanted me, I’d know Love does not leave me waiting Then call it letting go If I mattered, you would have come You would not leave me there alone Counting headlights in the dark Holding hope against my phone You only loved me when the night got heavy Only called when your world felt numb I was soft enough to answer But I am strong enough to run If I mattered, you would have come Now I won’t wait for love [Powerful emotional drop, cinematic violin, female choir harmonies, deep rolling bass] [Female vocal, soft but free] No more almost No more someday No more love that looks away I gave you my light You left me undone Now I know my worth And I choose the sun If I mattered, you would have come But I won’t wait for love