[INTRO — TRANSMISSION] [radio] Citizens of Earth. Remain calm. An unidentified object has entered the solar system. [deep male] How big? [radio] Approximately... [paper rustling] ...really fucking big. [ominous rumble] What is it? [pause] [radio] Noodle. [silence] Excuse me? [radio] Noodle. [BASS] [VERSE 1] Something in the sky doing loops around Mars, longer than a motorway, brighter than the stars. Telescopes twitching, scientists sweating, government spokesman immediately regretting every single word when the object unfurled, wrapped around Saturn, then waved at the world. [alien sample] HELLOOOOO. [deep male] Nope. [BUILD] It bends! It twists! It wiggles through space! It's heading directly for this fucking place! [alarm] INCOMING! [FAKE DROP] [small slurp] [pause] [deep male] Did space just slurp? [DROP 1 — NOODLE ATTACK] [HUGE OLD-SCHOOL WOBBLE] WOB-WOB-WOBBLE! TWIST THAT SHIT! [distorted response] BEND! STRETCH! INTERGALACTIC SPAGHETT! [beat stops] [deep male] Ran out of syllables. [DROP SLAMS BACK] KEEP GOING! [VERSE 2] Noodle through Neptune, sauce through the stars, meatball satellite just collided with Mars. Cosmic carbohydrates breaking navigation, NASA on the radio requesting clarification. [radio] Is this an invasion? [alien] NO. Is this communication? NO. Then what do you want? [pause] [alien] PARMESAN. [deep male] Fair. [PSYCHEDELIC BREAKDOWN] [female] Across endless darkness... Across endless time... Something is searching... For something divine... [deep male whisper] Maybe every civilisation eventually asks the same question. Why are we here? What does it mean? Are we alone? [pause] And who ate the last meatball? [distant explosion] [deep male] Oh. Found it. [BUILD 2] [bubbling intensifies] [radio] STRUCTURAL INTEGRITY FAILING. [alien] MORE SAUCE. [radio] PLEASE STOP SAYING THAT. [alien] MORE. SAUCE. [silence] [FINAL DROP — COSMIC FEAST] [DEVASTATING DISTORTED WOBBLE] MORE! [bass] SAUCE! [growl] MORE! [chainsaw bass] BASS! [half-time slam] TWIST THAT NOODLE! BEND THAT SPACE! SLAP THAT SUB ACROSS THE GALAXY'S FACE! [rapid bass mutations] WOBBLE! SQUELCH! GROWL! CRUNCH! [female soaring] Across the universe! [male] THE NOODLE RIDES! [final explosion] [OUTRO] [quiet restaurant ambience] [waiter] Would you like dessert? [deep male] What have you got? [waiter] Black hole tiramisu. [pause] [deep male] Fuck it. Two.
