Love Was Discipline

Your shoes were still beside the radiator Grey hoodie hanging off the chair Protein tubs lined up beside my paperbacks Like two people learning not to care You woke before the buses started running Blender screaming through the dawn I’d watch your shadow moving in the hallway While the kettle carried on And every mirror in the flat Learned your body better than I had I kept the kitchen light on for you Half past midnight, like I always do Cold chicken in the fridge, your keys beside the sink You said love was discipline, I said love should let you breathe Somewhere between the cardio and counting every gram You stopped reaching for my body with your hands Your shoes were still beside the radiator But you were already gone I never looked the way your friends did Sharp jawlines and perfect teeth I liked sleeping in on Sundays You liked punishment disguised as peace You flexed in mirrors after showering Phone light cutting through the dark I started speaking softer in the evenings Like I might disturb your heart And every photo on your phone Looked more alive than we had grown I kept the kitchen light on for you Half past midnight, like I always do Gym bag by the doorway, sweat drying on the floor I learned how to miss somebody standing in the room Somewhere between the treadmill and the strangers in your DMs I became another thing you had to improve Your shoes were still beside the radiator But you were already gone Maybe you were scared of getting softer Maybe I reminded you of rest Maybe every weight you kept on lifting Was another thing pressed on your chest And I could never compete With the version of yourself You thought would finally be enough So I leave the kitchen light off now Let the silence settle in the flat No more waiting for the front door No more folding up your gym clothes in my lap Still your shoes beside the radiator Like a ghost that pays no rent Funny how the smallest things keep breaking me Long after you left Your shoes were still beside the radiator Your shoes were still beside the radiator And I still moved around them Like you might come home again