THE TUESDAY PARADE [Verse 1] The refrigerator got arrested! The bathtub learned to drive! A sandwich called my mother Just to tell her it’s alive! The doorknob joined a circus! The curtains bought a horse! My neighbor’s riding backwards On a battery-powered corpse! The coffee table’s pregnant! The television sneezed! Somebody taught the garbage disposal How to say please! [Pre-Chorus] Don’t ask who! Don’t ask how! Yesterday Is Thursday now! [Chorus] Tuesday parade! Everybody run! Put your pants inside the freezer! Point your elbows at the sun! Tuesday parade! Turn the driveway blue! If the toaster asks for money Tell him Grandpa already knew! Tuesday parade! Nothing is wrong! The garage door has a girlfriend! SHE’S A PING-PONG TABLE! MOVE ALONG! [Verse 2] The vacuum joined a biker gang! The blender called the cops! A squirrel opened Applebee’s And only serves cough drops! The mattress found religion! The mailbox grew a thumb! There’s a forklift in the kitchen Teaching mayonnaise to drum! My left shoe bought a timeshare! My right shoe disappeared! The ceiling fan got promoted! NOW THE CEILING WORKS FOR HIM! [Bridge] Nobody panic! Nobody move! The lawn mower’s wearing My interview suit! Everything’s fine! Everything’s great! THE MICROWAVE JUST ATE THE PLATE! [Final Chorus] Tuesday parade! Everybody yell! Put a birthday hat on traffic! Throw your calendar down a well! Tuesday parade! Turn the bathtub loose! There’s a washing machine downtown Interrogating orange juice! Tuesday parade! Never make it stop! If anything starts making sense… HIT IT WITH A MOP! [Outro] Wait. Who parked the house? … Never mind.
