Intro Had a homie at the crib last night, we weren’t doin’ much, just gettin’ high, right? Shit got late, brains baked, outta sight, forgot the job interview — crashed at half past two that night. Before he dipped, he left some cookies in the fridge, loaded up with THC, sneaky lil’ prick. Didn’t even know, man, I took a big bite, woke up to the phone ringin’, boss soundin’ tight. He said: “You late?” I said: “Nah, man… it’s eight.” Straight lied through my teeth — he took the bait. Grabbed some milk and them cookies, stumbled on my way, damn, I was lit as hell for that job that day. ⸻ Verse 1 Walked in late, fifteen past nine, Boss said: “Sit down, son, tell me why you’d be fine.” I said: “Well… uh… I can talk to pigeons, sometimes I get stuck in these crazy-ass visions. Like, I dip my dick in honey just to watch TV, waitin’ on a horny rhino to come find me. Then I hide on the floor — bro, I’m not even sure… can I start at four? , He raised his brow, started scribblin’ notes, I said: “One time I trained a goat… to drive a boat.” Silence in the room, He started coughin’, I said: “Don’t worry, man, I’m pro at nude golfin’. One time I fell through the ceiling bangin’ my neighbor, lost all the feelin’ in my face, do me a favor — can you feel yours? Wanna roll up a spliff? Race me through time, man, life’s just a trip.” ⸻ Hook I’m not high, I swear, but I sound like the weirdest dude you ever hear. I’m not high, don’t call me a liar, I just think the copy machine’s a dragon breathin’ fire. ⸻ Verse 2 He said: “What are your strengths?” I said: “Spaghetti — I can eat it with one hand, and juggle cats already. Plus I fart confetti when the vibes are right, and I once stole a cock ring to help a friend’s night.” They looked at me wild, so I grinned real wide, “You know Bob the Builder? — I’m his evil twin inside.” The boss whispered low: “This guy’s insane…” I said: “Nah, I’m chill, bro — wanna peek my brain?” ⸻ Hook I’m not high, I swear, but I sound like the weirdest dude you ever hear. I’m not high, don’t call me a liar, I just think the copy machine’s a dragon breathin’ fire. ⸻ Outro He said: “Where’d you work before? Your résumé’s blank.” I spaced the fuck out, my whole mind sank. I said: “Uh… last Christmas, I fucked a plastic doll…” Then I passed the fuck out, woke up face-down by a wall.
