Price Check On My Dignity

UK Garage, 2-Step, bassline rap, drum-and-bass, comedic grime-adjacent rap

[Verse 1]
I stepped through the sliding doors, feeling rather grand
Grabbed a dodgy trolley with a mind I couldn't understand
One wheel was wonky, spinning like a dervish in the dark
It jerked to the left and left a very painful mark
The handle bar extended, hit the sweet spot with a thud
I’m gasping by the nectarines, my name is literally mud
I tried to steady myself, grabbed a pyramid of beans
The bottom tin escaped and took out both my genes

[Chorus]
It’s a grocery store incident, a retail-based assault
Every shelf is loaded with a catastrophic fault
From the frozen peas to the bakery display
The inanimate objects want to take my breath away
(He’s flagging)
(Checkout’s lagging)
Price check on aisle four, my pride is in the bagging

[Verse 2]
I hobbled to the freezers, needed something for the pain
A bag of frozen sweetcorn for the bruising and the strain
The glass door was heavy, and the hinge was freshly oiled
It swung back with a vengeance, and my afternoon was spoiled
Caught me in the midsection, a cold and icy strike
I’m singing like a soprano, or a choirboy on a hike
I fell into the milk crates, which triggered a cascade
Of semi-skimmed projectiles, a dairy-based brigade

[Bridge]
[The bassline gets grittier, more industrial]
[Sound of a PA system feedback]
"Clean up on aisle six. We have a man down. 
Repeat, we have a man down. He’s... he’s curled into a ball by the hummus."
(Why me?)
(Why now?)
(The physics don't even make sense!)

[Verse 3]
I crawled to the self-checkout, just to end the misery
But the universe had planned a final act of treachery
I scanned a baguette, but the weight was slightly off
The security guard approached with a judgmental little cough
He tripped on my shoelace, which was caught in the belt
His heavy boots landed exactly where I felt
The bagging area screamed, "Unexpected item detected"
As I lay there on the lino, feeling completely dejected

[Outro]
[Music begins to fade into a glitchy checkout bleep]
I didn't even get my clubcard points.
Just... just leave the receipt on my chest.
I’m staying here with the magazines.
(Please take your items)
(Please take your items)
I can't move, Karen! 
[Final sharp bleep]
[End]

2739/7500

[Intro] [Sound of a supermarket scanner bleeping in time with the beat] (Bleep) (Unexpected item) (Bleep) (Please wait for assistance) Yo, I just wanted a meal deal, man. Just a sandwich and some crisps. Why does the universe hate my future children? [Verse 1] I stepped through the sliding doors, feeling rather grand Grabbed a dodgy trolley with a mind I couldn't understand One wheel was wonky, spinning like a dervish in the dark It jerked to the left and left a very painful mark The handle bar extended, hit the sweet spot with a thud I’m gasping by the nectarines, my name is literally mud I tried to steady myself, grabbed a pyramid of beans The bottom tin escaped and took out both my genes [Chorus] It’s a grocery store incident, a retail-based assault Every shelf is loaded with a catastrophic fault From the frozen peas to the bakery display The inanimate objects want to take my breath away (He’s flagging) (Checkout’s lagging) Price check on aisle four, my pride is in the bagging [Verse 2] I hobbled to the freezers, needed something for the pain A bag of frozen sweetcorn for the bruising and the strain The glass door was heavy, and the hinge was freshly oiled It swung back with a vengeance, and my afternoon was spoiled Caught me in the midsection, a cold and icy strike I’m singing like a soprano, or a choirboy on a hike I fell into the milk crates, which triggered a cascade Of semi-skimmed projectiles, a dairy-based brigade [Bridge] [The bassline gets grittier, more industrial] [Sound of a PA system feedback] "Clean up on aisle six. We have a man down. Repeat, we have a man down. He’s... he’s curled into a ball by the hummus." (Why me?) (Why now?) (The physics don't even make sense!) [Verse 3] I crawled to the self-checkout, just to end the misery But the universe had planned a final act of treachery I scanned a baguette, but the weight was slightly off The security guard approached with a judgmental little cough He tripped on my shoelace, which was caught in the belt His heavy boots landed exactly where I felt The bagging area screamed, "Unexpected item detected" As I lay there on the lino, feeling completely dejected [Chorus] It’s a grocery store incident, a retail-based assault Every shelf is loaded with a catastrophic fault From the frozen peas to the bakery display The inanimate objects want to take my breath away (He’s flagging) (Checkout’s lagging) Price check on aisle four, my pride is in the bagging [Outro] [Music begins to fade into a glitchy checkout bleep] I didn't even get my clubcard points. Just... just leave the receipt on my chest. I’m staying here with the magazines. (Please take your items) (Please take your items) I can't move, Karen! [Final sharp bleep] [End]

0/500