Sergeant Slaughter and his two lovely daughters Do get the occasional trim. New bird on the stage, nearly half my age, My purchase a bit of a whim. The instruction book did not get a look, I thought I knew how to use Veet, Whipped out my tower, whilst stood in the shower, Spreading it liberally all over my meat. I flipped off the cap, lifted up the old chap, Pushing the limits I’m sure, I wanted to groom in the valley of doom— Now my starfish is bleeding and raw. 🎭 Chorus: Ohhh, tragedy! Calamity! A cautionary tale! A gentleman’s ambition went spectacularly pale! From a dashing little tidy to a blazing grand defeat— There are places, darling, one does not apply such heat! Raise the curtain! Strike the band! Let all the world agree— Vanity’s a villain in this grooming tragedy! For beauty may be painless in a pamphlet or a chart… But it’s agony and drama when you overplay your part! 🎭 I tried to keep calm washing off the napalm, Leaving me all of a fluster, You could boil a small lake or cook a big steak With the heat from my genital cluster. Less grass on the wicked, but all’s still not cricket, It does add an inch or two, A full week past, how long will it last? Still unable to sit, stand or poo. 🎭 Chorus 🎭 You may well cry but tears will dry, Leaving balls as smooth as jam jars, My slong looks huge, still no sign of pubes— So I’m happy to award it 5 stars. 🎭 Final Chorus (big finish): Ohhh, tragedy! Calamity! Let history record— A grooming misadventure no gentleman can afford! Though smooth as marble may be quite the tempting feat… There are places, darling, one does not apply such heat! 🎭
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