Cut to the gut, pretty envelope drop Shove my name in the out tray box Big men with lanyards act like they’re sorry, not sorry Scripted nods and their half-laugh coughs Did you rehearse the way you shake my hand Linked arms cold for the photograph Stack of forms in my undermined lap Hot mug burns, but I just keep quiet Scrubbing my card clean tonight Boredom wants another bite How do you unlearn rolling over when You’re told you "might" Dragged me down your Monday mile Left me shrinking in the "thank you" pile Round and round, box ticked, number dialed Am I safe now, stuttering denial? Lonely clown’s ceremony smile, out of style Stale cakes balanced on plates last night Forced farewells for the next one’s right Gold stopwatch masks the nervous laugh Shaky script in my typeface draft Keep the badge if it makes things sweet Trade nine lives for one half-seat List my skills, lost keys, mispronounced sheets Every apology reads off-beat They feed a blur to smother out Where I learned to make myself count Another list, another bout Cross my name out loud Dragged me down your Monday mile Left me shrinking in the "thank you" pile Round and round, box ticked, number dialed Am I safe now, stuttering denial? Lonely clown’s ceremony smile, out of style Blue veins drawn under waterlines Counting hush money, learning lifelines Dripping down through the gap in time Crawling backwards, waiting for a sign You toast the weight off everyone who stays I throw out promises, count my change There’s order in nothing, I’ll take the blame Gradually learning this feels the same You can have my badge, goes with your pile Finish your scripts, put me on file Let go my shape, soft from the trial Pulling apart as if born just for exile Just for exile
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