09 - in the room

[Intro | low bass throb | too-close vocal] I only stayed because— No. The chair was warm. The door was shut. The light under the frame kept cutting the floor in half. I heard the street go careful. I heard the keys next door. I heard a name almost spoken, then not spoken anymore. [Verse 1 | restrained groove | broken sentences] I didn’t cheer. I didn’t point. I didn’t raise my hand. I just kept still when stillness grew a language in the room. I told myself: there are children sleeping. There is rent. There is work in the morning. I told myself a lot of things with my coat still on. [Hook | heavy chord bloom | no release] Still in the room. Still in the room. Not on the stage. Not at the door. Still in the room. [Verse 2 | sparse drums | uneasy pulse] I had to live. That part is true. I had to eat. I had to smile at people I no longer knew. I had to pass the bakery. I had to lower my face. I had to learn the newer names for keeping my place. But somewhere between the fear and the heat, I became easy to leave alone. [Break | sudden silence | bare voice] And easy is not innocent. [Bridge | slow heavy weight | vocal cracks] The television moved without sound. Blue mouths in the glass. I washed my hands too long and watched the water pass. There was nothing on them. That was worse. No blood. No proof. No righteous dirt. Just skin that knew where it had been and would not say the word. [Hook 2 | distorted backing voice | not a chant] Still in the room. Still in the room. Not clean enough to leave. Not brave enough to move. Still in the room. [Breakdown | crooked riff | faster breath] I thought— No. I meant— No. I was afraid— Yes. But not only afraid. I was tired. I was useful. I was almost safe. I liked the warmth. I liked the lock. I liked the way the wall kept my shape. [Verse 3 | compressed heavy hits | short lines] Someone outside needed a witness. I became furniture. Someone outside needed a voice. I became air. Someone outside needed a hand. I held mine together. Someone outside needed the room. I stayed there. [Outro | instruments pull back | strained clean vocal] Now every night the same light cuts the floor. The chair cools slowly. The wall keeps score. I open my mouth and the old excuse comes in. I only stayed because— No. [End | low slam | close whisper] I stayed.