# **I Use Arch, Your Majesty** [Intro – Spoken] I just wanted a nice Linux desktop. I wanted blurred windows. Maybe a tasteful wallpaper. Nobody told me my dotfiles had an **endowment**. [Verse 1] I installed Omahchee at a quarter past two Wanted pretty little terminals in a tasteful hue Booted up Hyprland, everything looked clean Then ten million dollars walked onto my screen I said, “Wait a minute… isn’t Arch supposed to be free?” A butler said, “Of course, sir — financially, theoretically” My terminal bowed and my cursor kissed the ring I just wanted Linux, now I’m serving the king No taskbar No title bar No peasants in the lobby My compositor has funding now My dotfiles have a hobby [Pre-Chorus] I typed: sudo pacman -S class-consciousness ERROR: PACKAGE NOT FOUND. Did you mean: **quickshell?** [Chorus] I USE ARCH, YOUR MAJESTY! Fund my dependency! Ten million dollars in the treasury Welcome to the Omahchee Oligarchy OPEN SOURCE! FUNDED A LOT! Somebody paid for the terminal I got You can fork the code You can disagree But please address my laptop as **“His Excellency”** I USE ARCH, YOUR MAJESTY! BTW! BTW! Welcome to the Omahchee O-L-I-G-A-R-C-H-Y! [Verse 2] The internet asked, “How'd some Arch scripts get rich?” While my workspace changed with a buttery switch One side yelled, “THE BILLIONAIRES HAVE CAPTURED LINUX!” Other side said, “Bro… look at the animations.” And honestly? They were pretty smooth. Hyprland got sponsored Quickshell got paid Somewhere an open-source developer finally bought groceries today But discourse never sleeps No, discourse never ends Because Linux users would rather die Than simply have friends Reddit wrote a thesis Blue sky brought a torch Meanwhile some guy in Nebraska said: “Okay… but does it work with my ENVIDIA card?” [Pre-Chorus] The Year of Linux Desktop Has finally arrived! Unfortunately… It arrived wearing a monocle. [Chorus] I USE ARCH, YOUR MAJESTY! Fund my dependency! Ten million dollars in the treasury Welcome to the Omahchee Oligarchy OPEN SOURCE! FUNDED A LOT! Somebody paid for the terminal I got You can fork the code You can disagree But please address my laptop as **“His Excellency”** I USE ARCH, YOUR MAJESTY! BTW! BTW! Welcome to the Omahchee O-L-I-G-A-R-C-H-Y! [Bridge – Spoken Corporate Announcement] ATTENTION, CITIZEN. THE OMAHCHEE TAX DEPARTMENT HAS DETECTED AN UNDECLARED AUR PACKAGE. Please remain at your workstation. Do not attempt to switch distributions. Do not attempt to open GNOME. And for the love of God— **DO NOT POST THIS ON BLUE SKY.** [Beat drops] [Verse 3] My shell is malleable My computer has class My wallpaper looks like A propaganda poster made of brass The agents are coming The future is near And apparently the revolution Has corporate fiscal years I asked, “Is this socialism?” They said, “Absolutely not.” I asked, “Is this capitalism?” They said, “Have you seen the dot?” I asked, “Is this an oligarchy?” The whole room went still. Then somebody whispered: “…that would make a pretty good theme.” [Final Chorus – Huge] I USE ARCH, YOUR MAJESTY! KERNELS FOR THE BOURGEOISIE! TEN MILLION BUCKS AND THE DOWNLOAD'S FREE THAT'S THE OMAHCHEE OLIGARCHY! HYPR! QUICK! SHELL! RICE! Everything's free At a very large price! Raise your ThinkPads Bend the knee THE YEAR OF LINUX IS 2026, BABY! I USE ARCH, YOUR MAJESTY! BTW! BTW! LONG LIVE THE OMAHCHEE! LONG LIVE THE OLIGARCHY! [Music stops] [Quiet Spoken Outro] …seriously though, my desktop looks fucking incredible.
