Don't Eat The Lettuce

I ate a big salad at the local diner The outbreak didn't cross my mind It's been a week before my crack starts to leak Hot brown shit runs down my legs from behind My tummy's aching, the toilets quaking I'm screaming loud, my legs are shaking I look up and see my situationship She's holding her nose, I think she's gonna dip I have a Guatemalan neighbor Who gave me a home remedy He could smell it from the door I filled up the toilet and still had more Cyclospora up in my shit It's cleaning me out, it just won't quit I can hear it sizzling when it hits the water Splashing up on my cheeks, jetting out even harder This has been a new experience I fell asleep shitting, it just made sense Woke up to the floor flooded with my juice When the landlord walked in, it made him puke It's been a couple days, I fought through the waves Cleaned up all my dookie but it left some stains You better think twice before you munch on greens My asshole's looking like a rolled up shirt sleeve (Cyclospora, I am your carnage) (My body is your sewer, you've brutally harmed it) (I submit to your will, my asshole is your trophy that I can't feel)