[Verse 1] The box said twenty minutes I had an hour to spare Six boards, twelve screws One perfectly reasonable chair I laid the pieces neatly Like a man who had a plan Then page two showed a drawing No living soul could understand There was an A beside a B An arrow pointing through a C And something called a locking pin That wasn't anywhere I could see So I did what any sensible man would do I ignored page three [Refrain] The instructions were unclear That's the only problem here I followed every step More or less As far as I recall If the left side's on the right And the back is twice the height That's a manufacturing issue Not my fault at all There are three screws on the table They are probably just spare The instructions were unclear [Verse 2] At forty-seven minutes It resembled modern art At fifty-two I noticed I'd been holding the wrong part I turned the whole thing sideways Which improved it, I believe Though furniture should rarely Have a shelf where you would sit You walked in through the doorway Took one long look at me Then asked the kind of question That can damage dignity “Did you read the instructions?” Of course I read the instructions. I disagreed with them. [Refrain] The instructions were unclear That's the only problem here I followed every step With certain small Interpretations of my own If it leans a little left That's an interesting effect And I'm fairly sure this extra board Was never meant to go Please don't touch that corner Until the glue has had a year The instructions were unclear [Verse 3] By two o'clock I had it Standing proudly on the floor It wasn't quite the object That was pictured on the box But pictures can be misleading And expectations can be cruel If you stop demanding chairs You may appreciate the stool You sat down very carefully It made a thoughtful sound I said, “You see? It's working.” Then one side folded down We stood there in the silence Looking at the pieces on the ground And you started laughing Which I considered unhelpful For about three seconds [Middle Eight] Some men ask for assistance Some men call a friend Some men admit the obvious Before they reach the end I respect those men completely I admire what they do But I've already opened A second box of screws So we're finishing this [Final Refrain] The instructions were unclear But we're making progress here I know exactly what went wrong And almost where Turn the long piece upside down Put the short one on the ground Take the bracket from the drawer Where I absolutely put it there And those three screws on the table? I may need those after all The instructions were unclear But I think I've got it now [Outro] Why is there another box? ... That's the table. [End]
