MY CATS STARTED ANOTHER GLOBAL PANDEMIC

MY CATS STARTED ANOTHER GLOBAL PANDEMIC Verse 1 Last year my cats Apollo and Copper often disappeared into the Pine House basement acting weird I thought maybe they were chasing spiders, attacking Christmas lights, or drinking beers One night I had to know — so I snuck down to the basement window— they had on lab coats and goggles from Trader Joe’s A splash of catnip juice — that had been regurgitated by a moose, deer blood, and a pinch of toad dust too— One captured mosquito soul mixed with a ten thousand year old troll nose — a wedge of Beechers cheddar cheese and a flyer from a tree Pre-Chorus One quart of lemon juice mixed with a cougars gut juice A spider named Joe that knows advanced calculus - and a single shot of goblin spit Apollo laughed a deep laugh— Copper took a tomato juice bath Then they dropped in one last thing And both cats started purring I should’ve stopped it right there Instead I went upstairs… Chorus MY CATS STARTED ANOTHER GLOBAL PANDEMIC! EXCEPT THIS ONES WAY FUCKING WORSE! ONE BAD BATCH OF VIRAL HOMEMADE TREATS NOW THE DEAD WON’T STAY DECEASED! MY CATS STARTED ANOTHER GLOBAL PANDEMIC! AND THEY DON’T FEEL THAT BAD AT ALL! THEY’RE TAKING NAPS ON THE COUCH WHILE CIVILIZATION FALLS! Verse 2 Every house had at least one bag of Kitty Kat Krack — I didn’t know they named it that Cats were trading ’em like currency Store owners started going mad Apollo got a star in Hollywood Copper got bought a private jet Every expert said the future Hadn’t looked this good quite yet Then a lab across the ocean Made a troubling discovery And suddenly the evening news Was talking ’bout how my cats treats turned the world into zombies Pre-Chorus Cats never got a single symptom Not a cough or fever spike But humans started sneezing tuna Every time they rode a bike Chorus MY CATS STARTED ANOTHER GLOBAL PANDEMIC! EXCEPT THIS ONES WAY FUCKING WORSE! ONE BAD BATCH OF VIRAL HOMEMADE TREATS NOW THE DEAD WON’T STAY DECEASED! MY CATS STARTED ANOTHER GLOBAL PANDEMIC! AND THEY DON’T FEEL THAT BAD AT ALL! THEY’RE TAKING NAPS ON THE COUCH WHILE CIVILIZATION FALLS! Verse 3 Now zombies roam through every city From Vancouver down to Rome Every news station’s broadcasting From a fortified bunker home Paris fell on Wednesday morning Tokyo was gone by noon A zombie horde chased the governor Straight into an abandoned saloon The military tried to stop ’em Tanks and jets and everything But the zombies only wanted More Kitty Kat Crack and onion rings Meanwhile Apollo’s on the windowsill Copper’s sleeping on my black computer chair While civilization’s falling They just shed cat hair everywhere Final Chorus MY CATS STARTED ANOTHER GLOBAL PANDEMIC! EXCEPT THIS ONES WAY FUCKING WORSE! ONE BAD BATCH OF VIRAL HOMEMADE TREATS NOW THE DEAD WON’T STAY DECEASED! MY CATS STARTED ANOTHER GLOBAL PANDEMIC! AND THEY DON’T FEEL THAT BAD AT ALL! THEY’RE TAKING NAPS ON THE COUCH WHILE CIVILIZATION FALLS!