[INTRO – spoken documentary parody] “In the wild world of streaming giants, two beasts battle for dominance… Netflix, the red‑eyed binge monster… Paramount, the reboot machine… and Warner Bros, arguing over Batman custody again.” [VERSE 1] I’ve been scrolling for hours, losing track of time, Netflix asks if I’m alive or just barely online. Paramount pops up like, “Remember that show?” No I don’t, but thanks for rebooting it though. Every app wants money like a clingy ex, Charging me ten bucks to watch a T‑Rex. Passwords stacked like a shrine of shame, Half of them stolen from a cousin I barely even name. [PRE-CHORUS] Too many logins, too many screens, Too many apps selling childhood dreams. Every time I hit play, another fee appears, I’m paying more per month than I did in all my teenage years. [CHORUS] Let’s do it like the networks do, Fight for views like animals in a zoo. Netflix growls, Paramount screams, Warner Bros sells the rights to my dreams. Let’s do it like the networks do, Corporate romance in pay‑per‑view. If the streaming wars are nature’s plan, I’m the confused little viewer just holding a pan. [VERSE 2] DC’s rebooting universes faster than I blink, Batman’s in five timelines, Joker’s in the sink. Superman’s confused, Wonder Woman’s on strike, Aquaman’s cruising on a neon motorbike. Warner Bros yelling, “We can fix the lore!” Execs wrestling on the conference floor. Someone shouts, “Merge the timelines!” Someone else says, “No!” Batman whispers, “I’m vengeance… but also tired though.” [PRE-
