[Verse 1] I woke up late, put my shirt on wrong, Burned my toast while I wrote this song, Dropped my keys in a puddle of rain, Then backed my car through the bins again. I said, “Universe, give me a sign!” It gave me a parking ticket at nine. I asked my soul what all this means— It said, “Fuck knows. Have some caffeine.” [Chorus] Well, that went to shit— Not a little, but spectacularly, A full brass band of bad decisions Marching through my dignity. I could search for the lesson, Find the blessing in it, But sometimes life just trips on its dick— So pour me something strong, Grab a guitar, sing along: “Well, fuck me sideways— That went to shit.” [Verse 2] I followed my heart—it got us lost, Followed my mind—Jesus, what a cost. Followed the signs, the stars, my gut, Ended up outside with the damn door shut. My higher self was nowhere around, Probably drinking margaritas downtown. My inner child threw up in the back, And my inner Master said, “Well… imagine that.” [Chorus] Well, that went to shit— With remarkable efficiency, Every carefully laid-out plan Exploded simultaneously. We can journal the lesson, Bless the mess in a minute, But first let's admit what we're dealing with: The wheels came off, The horse fucked off, And the whole damn wagon Went to shit. [Bridge — half-time, dirty blues] I've manifested abundance— Mostly laundry and bills. I've released my resistance— It keeps coming back still. I've raised my vibration, I've breathed into my core, Then stubbed my little toe And called God a fucking whore. (spoken) Sorry, God. That one really hurt. [Verse 3] Now I've learned one thing from getting it wrong: You can cry all night—or write a filthy song. Perfection's overrated, grace ain't neat, Sometimes enlightenment's swearing in the street. So here's to the fuck-ups, glorious and grand, The shit we didn't see, the shit we never planned. If life wants dignity, it picked the wrong crew— Pass me that guitar. We've got drinking to do. [Final Chorus] Yeah, that went to shit— And somehow I'm still here, With mud on my boots, egg on my face, And considerably less fear. No cosmic explanation, No sacred meaning to it— Just another fine day being human as shit. So laugh till you snort, Let the whole thing rip— Raise your coffee and sing: “WELL, FUCK ME SIDEWAYS— THAT WENT TO SHIIIIIT!” [Outro — harmonica, stomping, somebody laughing] Yeah… That could've gone better. (beat) Ah, fuck it.
