[INTRO — slow piano, upright bass] Mr. Finch wears Sunday black Every blessed day Keeps his cuffs immaculate And trouble tucked away He'll compliment your flowers He'll remember every name And should you find his prices high— Well... His customers rarely complain. [xylophone: ding] [VERSE 1 — SWING BEGINS] Finch can calm a widow Finch can flatter Aunt Louise Get six feuding brothers Sitting peacefully He'll straighten out the necktie He'll powder every cheek And knows exactly when to nod— And when not to speak. [PRE-CHORUS] Oak costs more. Pine costs less. Brass is extra— [banjo enters] BUT YOU'LL LOOK YOUR BEST! [CHORUS — ALL-IN PUB STOMP] OH, IT'S A FINE! FINE! UNDERTAKING! SHAKE A HAND FOR THE MONEY WE'RE MAKING! TALL OR SHORT! SAINT OR SNAKE! EVERYBODY GETS ONE LAST WAKE! HEY-DIDDLE-DIDDLE! PASS THAT DRINK! YOU'VE GOT MORE IN COMMON THAN YOU THINK! WHEN YOUR FINAL APPOINTMENT COMES DUE— MR. FINCH HAS A SUIT FOR YOU! [VERSE 2 — SWING] Mayor came in Wednesday Finch charged him full amount Banker came on Friday— Finch said, “Put it on his account.” Old Miss Bell chose roses Cooter wanted rye Preacher asked for something modest— Finch said, “Sir... you're gonna die only once. Try the mahogany.” [CHORUS] OH, IT'S A FINE! FINE! UNDERTAKING! NO RETURNS AND NO EXCHANGING! RICH OR POOR! GOOD OR BAD! BEST DAMN CUSTOMER YOU'VE EVER HAD! [harmonica answers] [BRIDGE — back to elegant cabaret] But Finch knows every mother Who's buried daughter or son Knows when all his clever words Aren't worth a single one Then the salesman disappears. He pulls another chair. Pours the coffee. Closes the ledger. And simply... sits there. [quiet] [VERSE 3 — groove slowly returns] That's the trick of Mr. Finch The town don't understand: He makes his living from the dead— But earns it with the living When he takes them by the hand. [FINAL CHORUS — WHOLE PUB] OH, IT'S A FINE! FINE! UNDERTAKING! HEARTS ARE BREAKING, FLOORBOARDS SHAKING! RAISE YOUR GLASS! LET THE OLD BELL RING! DEATH'S A TERRIBLE BUSINESS— BUT BUSINESS AIN'T EVERYTHING! HEY-DIDDLE-DIDDLE! ONE MORE ROUND! WE'RE ALL JUST RENTING A LITTLE GROUND! SO LOVE 'EM LOUD WHILE THEY'RE STILL AROUND— [band stops] [FINCH, spoken] “And if you don't...” [piano] “I'll still be here.” [FULL BAND CRASHES OUT]
