Now. Manners. Let us address... The Grip. Observe your hand. Pinch the handle of the cup. Thumb and index finger. Support with the middle finger. And now... the Pinky. Tuck. It. In. Do not extend it! You are not an antenna. You are not signaling the fleet. Keep it tucked. Ostentation is the cousin of vulgarity. The Dunking. I shall say this once. If you dunk a biscuit into your tea... You are dead to me. This is not a construction site. We do not make soup out of our confectionary. A soggy biscuit falling into the cup... is a tragedy that requires a spoon of shame to retrieve. Do not do it. The Scone application. Cornwall versus Devon. Jam first? Or Cream first? Listen closely. We are engineers of taste. Apply the Jam first. It is the mortar. It seals the crumbs. Then... the Clotted Cream. A dollop. The cream is the snow on the roof. If you put the cream first... the jam slides off. And we have a landslide on the linen. Unacceptable. Stir your tea. North to South. Not round and round like a whirlpool. Do not clang the spoon against the china. Silence is golden. Napkin on the lap. Back straight. Civilization is watching. Carry on.
