[Intro — whispered over ominous elevator music] Alright, team. Check your equipment. Check your objectives. Check the escape route. And remember… WE ARE NOT LEAVING UNTIL I HAVE EVERYTHING. [Verse 1] Doors swing open, down we go, Into the depths where the bad things grow. Got a little objective, got a little plan, I'm the quietest bunny in the whole dang land. Sneak to the left, let the monster pass, Keep your ears down, don't step on glass. My friends are sweating, they're losing their minds, I'm already halfway through the checklist behind. [Pre-Chorus] In and out, don't make a sound, Get the goods and get underground. But wait a minute, hold on tight, There's a trinket hiding just out of sight! [Chorus] LET'S ALL DESCEND! DOWN TO THE END! I'll take the heat so my buddies can mend! Sneak through the shadows or draw every eye, I'll get that objective or I'll certainly try! LET'S ALL DESCEND! ROUND THE BEND! One more little trinket before we ascend! The floor is a nightmare, the monsters are near, BUT I'M NOT LEAVING WITHOUT MY SOUVENIR! [Verse 2 — faster, tense percussion] Sometimes I'm silent, a ghost in the halls, Not a single alarm, not a sound from the walls. Objective completed, extraction is clear, My friends ask, “How'd you do that?” I say, “Skill, my dear.” Other times I'm running, the whole floor's awake, I've got every monster following my wake. They're all on my tail, but I'm leading them wide, While the rest of the team gets the job done inside. I'm baiting the beast, I'm distracting the crowd, My little bunny heart is beating too loud. But the mission is finished, the exit is near, And I made it back alive with my pockets full of gear! [Pre-Chorus] In and out, the plan is sound, Grab the objective, get out of town. But wait a minute, what's that I see? A trinket that's missing from my collection of three! [Chorus] LET'S ALL DESCEND! DOWN TO THE END! I'll take the heat so my buddies can mend! Sneak through the shadows or draw every eye, I'll get that objective or I'll certainly try! LET'S ALL DESCEND! ROUND THE BEND! One more little trinket before we ascend! The floor is a nightmare, the monsters are near, BUT I'M NOT LEAVING WITHOUT MY SOUVENIR! [Verse 3 — dramatic, obsessive energy] I started this game with a simple intention, Just one little run, no need for prevention. Then I opened a guide, just to learn a few things, Now I've got seventeen tabs and a spreadsheet with wings. Every secret location, each item and clue, Every hidden achievement I'm determined to do. My friends say, “We're ready! The exit is clear!” I say, “THERE'S A TRINKET WE HAVEN'T GOT HERE!” I know every route, every shortcut and door, I've researched this dungeon until there's no more. I could probably navigate blindfolded with ease, But first, let me check if there's loot in these trees. [Bridge — ominous, whispered] Oh, Rodger… I remember what you did. I remember every single thing. I could have been free. I could have been happy. I could have finished the game and gone outside. But no… There are trinkets still missing. And I WILL HAVE THEM ALL. [Beat drops — spoken] Research curse: ACTIVE. Completionist instincts: UNSTOPPABLE. Hatred of Rodger: PERMANENT. [Breakdown — pounding drums, frantic chanting] ONE MORE FLOOR! ONE MORE RUN! ONE MORE TRINKET, THEN I'M DONE! ONE MORE ROOM! ONE MORE DOOR! I THINK I SAID THAT THREE RUNS BEFORE! CHECK THE CORNER! CHECK THE WALL! IF IT'S COLLECTIBLE, I'M TAKING IT ALL! FRIENDS ARE WAITING! MONSTERS NEAR! I'M JUST LOOKING FOR A SOUVENIR! [Final Chorus — huge triumphant orchestral rock] LET'S ALL DESCEND! DOWN TO THE END! I'M THE STEALTHY LITTLE BUNNY YOU CAN ALWAYS DEPEND! I'll take the heat, I'll complete the task, I'll sneak through the halls wearing a very serious mask! LET'S ALL DESCEND! ROUND THE BEND! I'LL COLLECT EVERY TRINKET BEFORE THE GAME ENDS! The monsters can chase me, the alarms can ring, I'M GOING HOME WITH EVERYTHING! LET'S ALL DESCEND! WE'LL NEVER RETREAT! Unless there's a collectible we forgot down the street! My friends have escaped, but I'm still right here— WAIT! THERE'S ONE MORE TRINKET! [Outro — elevator doors closing] “Are you coming?” “Yep! Just a second!” “YOU SAID THAT TWENTY MINUTES AGO!” …Found it. Let's go again.
