[Verse 1] Out in the desert where the tumbleweeds roam, Lives a legend with a mustache that could call Roswell home. Big bushy caterpillar sittin’ right on his face, Paired with a mullet that’s doin’ the time-warp in space. White-framed glasses, big goofy grin, He looks like Weird Al if Weird Al had moved in. Short shorts so tight they’re legally a crime, Fanny pack strapped on like it’s 1999. [Pre-Chorus] He strikes a pose like he owns the whole Southwest, Mullet flowing wild while the short shorts impress. Fanny pack locked and loaded with secrets untold, The ultimate desert legend, brave and bold. [Chorus] Brandon Hughes! (Hey!) Mullet in the back, mustache in the front! Brandon Hughes! (Whoa!) Fanny pack swingin’ while the short shorts hunt! Destiny 2 warrior with a K/D in the dirt, They probed him in Roswell… but he probed them back! Brandon Hughes! The mullet mustache king! Weird Al’s secret cousin with the legendary bling! [Verse 2] (Autobiographical – Brandon telling the story) They probed me back in Roswell, yeah that’s how it began, Woke up in the desert with a story I couldn’t understand. Years went by, the mullet grew long, the mustache got mean, Then I went back to Roswell and I made the greys scream. I told ’em, “Payback’s coming,” with a smile so wide, Now the fanny pack’s full of secrets and alien pride. They tried to run but the short shorts don’t lie, I probed every last grey and I watched ’em fly. [Chorus] Brandon Hughes! (Hey!) Mullet in the back, mustache in the front! Brandon Hughes! (Whoa!) Fanny pack swingin’ while the short shorts hunt! Destiny 2 warrior with a K/D in the dirt, They probed him in Roswell… but he probed them back! Brandon Hughes! The mullet mustache king! Weird Al’s secret cousin with the legendary bling! [Bridge] Weird Al called from the polka dimension, Said “Dude, you stole my look and my facial hair invention!” Brandon just laughed with that caterpillar grin, “Keep the accordions, bro — I got the fanny pack win.” Short shorts salute and the mullet does a wave, Fanny pack full of mystery, lookin’ stylish and brave. [Final Chorus – bigger & dumber] Brandon Hughes! The national treasure of the Southwest! Mustache so powerful it could stop a bullet vest! Fanny pack hero in his short-short glory, Destiny 2 noob but he’s writing his own story! From Santa Fe to the stars, they all know his name, The mullet mustache legend who turned the tables on the greys! [Outro – spoken like Brandon signing off] Yeah… they probed me once. I probed them back.
