[Intro – Spoken, dramatic] I have a confession… It’s not normal… …it’s HAM. [Verse 1] I got kicked out the doctor’s office yesterday He said “sir, you can’t keep yelling ‘ham’ this way” I said “doc, you don’t get it, this ain’t a phase This is cured, smoked, honey-glazed!” I keep slices in my jacket lining Emergency pork for bad timing People got snacks, I got a plan Back pocket full of HAM [Pre-Chorus] They say “get help,” I say “get bread” So I can put more ham instead [Chorus] HAM! I AM! Don’t you try to understand! I whisper sweet nothings to a spiral cut While the neighbors yell “what the” HAM! I AM! Yes, I kissed it in the pan If loving ham is wrong, then damn Lock me up with my ham! [Verse 2] Tried to date but it went real bad She said “it’s me or the pork you have” I looked at her… looked at the ham… Now she’s gone, but I still got ham Got a shrine in my kitchen corner Little spotlight like it’s a performer Sometimes I sing, sometimes I cry Sometimes I just… ham nearby [Breakdown – Spoken → Yelling] They laughed at me… They MOCKED me… (beat drops) BUT WHO’S LAUGHING NOW?! [Chorus – Louder, chaotic] HAM! I AM! Put it in a frying pan! In a sandwich, on my face I respect it in every place! HAM! I AM! Call the cops, I’ll take a stand! You got dreams? Well here’s my plan LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE. HAM. [Bridge – Ridiculous slow gospel vibe] When I’m gone, don’t bury me Just glaze me gently… hickory Lay me down with dignity Next to a honey-baked legacy [Final Chorus – Over-the-top] HAM! I AM! Make a statue, start a clan! No regrets, no second plan I regret NOT MORE HAM [Outro – Whispered] …ham… (loud bite sound)
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