[Intro] If you’re havin’ vulnerability problems, I feel bad for you, son I got 99 problems but a patch ain’t one [Verse 1 – Contract headaches / SaaS lock-in] Signed big SaaS , price climbs each year, Features locked tight, roadmap unclear. Support line dead, contracts bite, Can’t get out ‘cause the terms too tight. Boss wants speed but the bill runs long, Vendor’s laughin’, singin’ that song. Quarterly calls, excuses thin, “Next release coming,” but it never begins. Locked in hard with a multi-year deal, Add-ons stacked, can’t change the feel. Hidden fees rise, uptime none, I got 99 problems but a patch ain’t one [Chorus] I got 99 problems but a patch ain’t one If you’re havin’ vulnerability problems, I feel bad for you, son I got 99 problems but a patch ain’t one [Verse 2 – Users clicking bad links] Phish mail hits, looks real, they click, SOC eyes roll, gotta check it quick. Tickets pile high, but it’s all just noise, False alarms draining all the boys. Training’s cheap, lessons fade, Same weak test every month replayed. Click fatigue, drills run thin, Blue team tired but they dive back in. Inbox traps, awareness none, I got 99 problems but a patch ain’t one [Chorus] I got 99 problems but a patch ain’t one If you’re havin’ vulnerability problems, I feel bad for you, son I got 99 problems but a patch ain’t one [Verse 3 – Shadow IT] Staff spin apps with a credit card swipe, No review done, no sec team hype. Data off-prem, blind to the flow, Shadow IT where the risks all grow. Unapproved tools, contracts light, Logs disappear in the dead of night. Processes break, rules undone, Sec team blind when the audit comes. Shadow stacks grow, workarounds spun, I got 99 problems but a patch ain’t one [Outro – Chorus] I got 99 problems but a patch ain’t one If you’re havin’ vulnerability problems, I feel bad for you, son I got 99 problems but a patch ain’t one (yeah… Sock watchin’, patch squad standin’ strong)
