[Intro] (It’s getting proper cold in here, innit?) (Who left the fridge open? Oh god...) [Eerie Wind Howl] [Heavy Drill Beat Drops] [Verse 1] I’m sitting on the sofa with a brew and some biscuits When the curtains start twitching—now that’s a bit risky I thought it was a draft or a crack in the pane But then I heard a voice whisper "Who’s got a light, mate?" I turned around fast but the kitchen was bare Except for a smell of stale fags in the air My rolling stash was sitting right there on the table Now it’s floating in the air like a bloody dark fable It’s a ghost in a tracksuit, a phantom in fleece And he’s stolen my lighter, I’ve got no inner peace. [Chorus] (He’s the council house poltergeist!) Stealing all my skins (Council house poltergeist!) Eating all my tins He’s haunting the hallway in a pair of Max Nineties Scaring the misses and touching her nighties He doesn't want my soul or a portal to the light He just wants a bit of baccy and a scrap in the night. [Verse 2] I tried to call a priest but the spirit got offended Threw a pot of Pot Noodle—my ceiling is ended He’s shouting out "Safe!" from the top of the stairs While he’s moving the wardrobe and rattling chairs I said "Listen here, Spook, you’re dead and you’re gone!" He said "Shut it, you muppet, put the Tellytext on" He’s obsessed with the racing and the midday news And he’s stretched out my trainers and scuffed up my shoes I can’t even shower without feeling a chill As he’s writing "I was ‘ere" in the steam on the sill. [Bridge] [Bass Intensity Increases] [Glitchy Vocals] (Where’s the remote?) (I know you’ve got it, you transparent prick!) (Give it back!) He’s flickering the lights like a strobe in a rave Bringing Newport nightlife back from the grave. [Verse 3] I’ve tried the sage burning, I’ve tried the holy water He just used it for tea and then winked at my daughter He’s a nuisance, a menace, a spectral nightmare Who refuses to leave or to pay his fair share So now we just live here, a man and a wraith I keep the booze locked in a digital safe If you hear a loud bang or a "Wha’ happened, son?" It’s just the dead chav having a bit of his fun. [Outro] (Get out of it!) (Put that kettle down!) (He’s actually drinking my Stella...) [Ghostly Echo] [Beat Cuts to Static] [Final Thud]
