"On the Spectral Statue And His Great and Mighty Fall" For this is the tale of a warrior so mighty... so terrible... so magnificently Dwarven... that the very earth itself threw him out. I fell from stone with a mighty roar, Shook the mountain from floor to floor! The heavens trembled, the Fae looked down, And surely thought I'd conquered the crown! I landed hard— I landed flat— I broke no bone, for I had none of that! HO! HO! HO! WHAT A FALL! HE DID NOT DIE! NOT MUCH AT ALL! HO! HO! HO! HE ROSE AGAIN! A GREATER WARRIOR! A GREATER FRIEND! Into the depths I proudly fell, Where lesser men would ring the bell, Where Fae would laugh and Shadows grin, And every beast would tear me limb from limb! I had no sword. I had no shield. I had no strength. I had a field. And somewhere there a Goblin stood— A beast that once had Giant's blood! HO! FOR THE FALL! HO! FOR THE STONE! HO! FOR THE WARRIOR ALL ALONE! NO ARMOR! NO BLADE! NO GOLD TO SPEND! JUST TWO GOOD FEET— AND ONE GOOD END! The Goblin charged! I bravely fled! It snapped its jaws beside my head! I ran through rock! I leapt through flame! I learned that living was the name! Three times I fled! Three times I ran! Three times that Goblin nearly had its man! But Dwarves possess a sacred art: We call it "running when things start." RUN, BROTHERS, RUN! THE FOOL IS WISE! A LIVE Dwarf'S BETTER THAN A DEAD ONE'S PRIZE! RUN, BROTHERS, RUN! THE BEAST MAY ROAR! A Dwarf can always fight it— AFTER HE'S OUT THE DOOR! Then deep within the ancient stone, I found a treasure long unknown. Not gold. Not gems. Not royal beer. But ancient armor— older than fear! I wore the thing. The thing wore me. And suddenly— I could almost flee! The Goblin struck! The armor rang! The whole damn cavern shook and sang! I stood! I roared! I raised my hand! And nearly matched— one Goblin's strength! ONE GOBLIN! ONE GOBLIN! HE NEARLY MATCHED A GOBLIN! PRAISE THE FORGE! PRAISE THE STONE! PRAISE THE ARMOR NOT HIS OWN! NO GREATER WARRIOR EVER BORE— A POWERFUL SUIT HE FOUND ON THE FLOOR! We fought for days! We fought for nights! We fought beneath forgotten lights! I struck it once! It struck me ten! I struck it once— and fled again! I lured it far from all its kin, And slowly wore the monster thin. Through mud and stone! Through fire and rain! I dragged that beast across the plain! Did he conquer it? Aye! Did he overpower it? Aye! Did he strike it down with mighty strength? Well. Eventually. The Goblin came. I stood my ground. The ancient armor screamed with sound. The beast came roaring through the night— I hit it with my ancient might! It fell. It died. The field grew still. And I stood there— with one Goblin's worth of skill! HO! FOR ORJALITH! HO! FOR HIS NAME! CHAOS-LORD BENEATH THE FLAME! KING OF THE DEEP! LORD OF THE DARK! GREATEST WARRIOR EVER TO MISS THE MARK! Then came a tavern bright with flame, And mighty folk who knew my name. Giants sat there! Fae were near! Spectrals drank their ancient beer! They saw my armor, black and old, And thought: "That warrior must be bold!" They asked me: "Who are you, great lord?" I raised my cup. I drew my sword. And spoke the name I'd heard before: "The Chaos-Lord Beneath the Dark!" "King of the Deep Elves!" "Ancient Dwarves!" They laughed! They cheered! They slapped my back! They asked about the armor's crack! They thought I'd made the whole thing up— And bought this ancient suit for luck! I said nothing. I drank instead. And for the first time since I fled— I didn't need to run. I didn't need to fight. I didn't need to prove my might. HO! FOR THE DWARF WHO FELL FROM STONE! HO! FOR THE FOOL WHO FOUND A HOME! HO! FOR THE WARRIOR WEAK AND SMALL! THE GREATEST OF THEM ALL! HO! FOR THE ARMOR! HO! FOR THE BEER! HO! FOR THE FRIENDS WHO WELCOME HIM HERE! LET GIANTS ROAR! LET SHADOWS CALL! LET THE MIGHTY TOWER TALL! WE'LL DRINK TO THE ONE WHO LOST IT ALL— AND ROSE AGAIN FROM THE GREAT AND MIGHTY FALL! "hahah"
